I was eighteen when I left home. I guess I grew up fast and developed a sense of independence that was mental, I was pretty sure of how are things to be done, and how one needs to handle things that happen in life. Be it the smallest of arguments or a huge fight, it was always, one against the world. Yes, my mom and dad were worried , never showing it, but they would always say, "We know, you can take care of yourself."
I have always been the single one of my friends, through high school and now in college. Not that I never wished to be with someone, never really worked out, never really found someone to be precise. Honestly, I have always been more that okay with it. I am writing about this right now, because the question "Why are you single?" has been around the corner and answering this question is always tough, because then follows a long questionnaire and advices and a lot more which I am highly uninterested in. Lately I have just thought of saying, "No one I am interested in , is interested in me, so I am pretty sure, I am going to be forever alone and I will die that way" I doubt anyone would ask me a list of questions after such a self-disparaging answer. Though its not totally true, it will do what I am hoping for and the subject will be changed.! Yayy! I shut them up and its victory!
The only times I feel awkward when I’m single is when I find myself faced with one of those extremely PDA-intent-on-making-you-feel-like-crap couples and when I am at a party and there you have slow songs and all that dancing, and all I can think of is, nothing actually. Most of the time, I’m not really thinking about it. I live by myself and I have few close friendships and that is more than enough. All this being all on my own thing, has allowed me to further my emotional independence, and as the days are passing, I appreciate it more and more.
When we generally aim to become financially independent in our twenties, we forget that we also need emotional independence as well. For good or bad, but being all by myself has given me some great life lessons. I know being in a relationship is great, its a beautiful feeling to be in love and be loved back, I would always envy that girl I see whose been looked at with so much love and care, or the one whose getting married, or the one who can always feel better just because there's a certain someone who would hug her and things will feel alright, because at times it makes me feel plain simple lonely.
I value relationships, I really do. I sure as hell want one, but when it’s right and till now it never felt that way. I am yet to feel that way, and at times I would step back from feeling that way, because no matter how strong a person is , Rejection my friend is not that easy to take. I just want it to be right, not perfect, not fairytale like.Hook-up culture is so unbridled , it’s how people want to begin their relationships these days, in fact it’s how people do begin their relationships these days. And I’m not interested in it at all. What others do is none of my business, this is what I feel.
As far as "good relationships" go, I do think they take time, and for me, it’ll probably always be a more old-fashion process. I don't have my the opposite sex texting and calling me all the time but I have found that people will treat you how they can get away with treating you. So most guys who are interested do treat me well because I demand it. And I demand it, because I have emotional independence. My self-worth is not attached to an emotional dependence on another imperfect human being. I don’t depend on anyone to “make me feel good” about myself. I need people as much as we all do. But I never want to be completely emotionally reliant on someone. Because in the end, everyone will disappoint you at some point. And you will disappoint others too. It's not in your hand, people will hurt you and you will have to deal with it, so why let someone be in control of your emotions, why let yourself be emotionally dependent on someone.
Single people love to whine about being single, I’d probably do the same. Again, not that I don't want a relationship, of course I do, but starting it just because I am single and people don't want me to be single is not what I can do. If it's real , why not. I would love to be in something as beautiful as love and experience it but not at the cost of anyone, and not just out of boredom or desperation etc. It all comes down to one thing that can trigger it, feelings and emotions.
The only times I feel awkward when I’m single is when I find myself faced with one of those extremely PDA-intent-on-making-you-feel-like-crap couples and when I am at a party and there you have slow songs and all that dancing, and all I can think of is, nothing actually. Most of the time, I’m not really thinking about it. I live by myself and I have few close friendships and that is more than enough. All this being all on my own thing, has allowed me to further my emotional independence, and as the days are passing, I appreciate it more and more.
When we generally aim to become financially independent in our twenties, we forget that we also need emotional independence as well. For good or bad, but being all by myself has given me some great life lessons. I know being in a relationship is great, its a beautiful feeling to be in love and be loved back, I would always envy that girl I see whose been looked at with so much love and care, or the one whose getting married, or the one who can always feel better just because there's a certain someone who would hug her and things will feel alright, because at times it makes me feel plain simple lonely.
I value relationships, I really do. I sure as hell want one, but when it’s right and till now it never felt that way. I am yet to feel that way, and at times I would step back from feeling that way, because no matter how strong a person is , Rejection my friend is not that easy to take. I just want it to be right, not perfect, not fairytale like.Hook-up culture is so unbridled , it’s how people want to begin their relationships these days, in fact it’s how people do begin their relationships these days. And I’m not interested in it at all. What others do is none of my business, this is what I feel.
As far as "good relationships" go, I do think they take time, and for me, it’ll probably always be a more old-fashion process. I don't have my the opposite sex texting and calling me all the time but I have found that people will treat you how they can get away with treating you. So most guys who are interested do treat me well because I demand it. And I demand it, because I have emotional independence. My self-worth is not attached to an emotional dependence on another imperfect human being. I don’t depend on anyone to “make me feel good” about myself. I need people as much as we all do. But I never want to be completely emotionally reliant on someone. Because in the end, everyone will disappoint you at some point. And you will disappoint others too. It's not in your hand, people will hurt you and you will have to deal with it, so why let someone be in control of your emotions, why let yourself be emotionally dependent on someone.
Single people love to whine about being single, I’d probably do the same. Again, not that I don't want a relationship, of course I do, but starting it just because I am single and people don't want me to be single is not what I can do. If it's real , why not. I would love to be in something as beautiful as love and experience it but not at the cost of anyone, and not just out of boredom or desperation etc. It all comes down to one thing that can trigger it, feelings and emotions.
As far as my life goes, currently I have good people around me, a career to make, family who loves me, and some great days which will be cherished memories in the coming time! I am happy, may be not everyday, but well I am happy right now. I have my set of emotional days when I feel alone and cry , but who doesn't ?
After all, life is a bitter sweet symphony.. :)
