We Don't Repair, We Replace.

No matter how hard you try, sometimes you drift apart from your closest people, sometimes even the longest of friendships end. Time loses its essence. Emotions take a back seat. Ego rules your head and heart. Your priorities are different. This way, what could have still been saved, may be with an effort or two, falls apart.

We are a generation that replaces, that doesn't repair, that doesn't try, because we are busy in the race of life. We are too cool, too rigid, with "I don't give a fuck" attitude, and we are too confident that, we can find other people who will be so much better than these stupid people who once were an inseparable part of our life. We break up on text messages, we end friendships by a whatsapp message followed by un-friending, unfollowing on every social media portal. I mean, seriously? Texts, the most fucked up form of communication that only and solely causes confusion and communication gaps!

I am not saying, keep chasing, keep running behind that person, but at least give it one shot? Drop them a text, place a call, and talk, try to figure it out. I know it's easy to find yourself new cool chaps to hang out with, go grab a drink with, and dance the weekend away, but don't you think for all the times you people were there for each other when no one else was, do you think you'll be able to find someone; who you'll run to when your heart is breaking, who you'll run to when you need to approach that guy you've been crushing since forever, someone who you want to share every tiny detail of your day, who you run to when you need those arms to heal you, who you'll call when you have no words to explain what's happening in your head and heart. I think, "your person" should be given one chance, what you shared should be given one chance. The numerous emotions, memories, etc deserve one chance?

Things wither away, but this, what you have, what you share, is not just a THING. I am not at all talking about all the romantic relationships, I am talking about those friendships that worn out, that just change due to no reasons, when people from talking to all day, go to few times in a day, to few times in a week and so on, and then they reach this awkward phase where even if they wish to talk, they dont. They just let go. Letting go may have become easier, because there are so many ways you can keep yourself distracted and occupied, that we dont even give it one chance?

Misunderstandings, Miscommunications, Assumptions and in all this drama, forgetting to listen to the other person. Sigh. What happened to the times, when you gave each other numerous chances and came out stronger? Trusted each other even more? Made promises to never leave even when you feel like hating each other, because you loved each other more than all the hate?

It amazes me, It will always amaze me, how easily we humans, drift apart, sometimes without a word, sometimes with just "one word texts", sometimes by being blocked. How easily we replace, how easily we just let it go,how easily we give up on each other. How we just dont bother about anyone else but our own self?

Love.
D.
xx

The Name's Negi, Sangya Negi.

I run out of words to describe what this girl is to me.
Ray of sunshine on a dark night, source of happiness when everything is gloomy, peace when there’s CHAOS; always successful in reading my mind and heart :D. The name’s Negi, SANGYA NEGI!
<3 p="">
July 2011, distressed, sad, lost. I was dreading the college admissions. I see this girl in Red (Oh Red was her favourite colour back then, it’s GIRLY PINK now), She’s trying to figure out something, came to my father asking questions and we start talking, exchange numbers. That day, I hadn’t thought she would become what she has become now to me. Last minute admission and this gift wrapped in Red with a scarf around (Little soul is always having cold :P) , she brought back what was lost since long, she brought back me to life, and so, she’s LIFE.
Sometimes you meet someone and in that one meeting , be it just a few minutes or hours, you feel so close and you open so fast that even you don’t realise how it happened. With you, I could share anything and everything. Conversations, those few conversations made me realise, “arey ye mere jaisi hai” ! :D

This girl is my confidant, my lifeline, my saviour, my partner in crime, back bone, counsellor, one person who would never ever judge me, one person who would be okay even if I tell her I murdered someone :D
Need advice, go to her. Need food at 12, Sangya will cooook. Need anything, just say Sangya and the thing is there. You fairy! :*

You’ve showered me enough love to last forever, you’ve seen me at my worst(LITERALLY MY WORST) and you’ve still loved me unconditionally, you’ve made me have faith, you’ve made me survive HNLU (TOUGHEST THING EVER), you’ve made me feel special, you’ve saved me from so many things, you’ve taken care of me like no one else, you’ve tolerated my hunger anger, you’ve made me believe that some people don’t leave you ever, you’ve given me another family that loves me dearly, and you’ve given me reasons to LIVE, when I had all the reasons to not (atleast I thought so at that time :D )

Sangya, in these five years of college life, the one thing that I am thankful to college for is YOU. Had you not been here, I wouldn’t have survived college and life. I can go on and on, because you woman deserve it all.
With chaos in your life, you handle things so beautifully, that I end up loving you more and then how can I miss mentioning your rib-crushing hugs!
Thank you , Thank you for being YOU. Thank you for being there. Thank you for saving me. Thank you for loving me. Thank you for making me a better person everyday. Thank you for letting me be who I am, yet letting me become a better human being every single day. :*

I love you way to much to write it down in words.

Tum na hoti toh zindagi adhuri hoti. :)

So, as you turn older, I wish that your heart’s deepest desires are fulfilled, may your skin become flawless, and teeth remain intact, may your hair be frizz-free, and may the food you eat never makes you gain weight! :P
And I hope every time you make a wish, somewhere there’s a shooting star that makes sure that it comes true!

Happpy Birthdayyy Womaniya! :*
Go eat the entire cake, and start thinking of what the cake for Birthday '17 would be! :P

My Jigar ka Tukda :*

 

Hostel, Us and Pictures <3 td="">

Lovee

xx

COURAGE, Dear Heart.

Give a thought to dying. You are walking on the road and a bus hits you and you're gone. Just imagine the things that die with you; a kind word, a hidden feeling, a thought to share and so much more. There are things you wish to say, but you don't. But time flies, today you're here, tomorrow you won't be. Missing a chance to say what's in your heart and dying with it would suck. It would be worse than being turned down, worse than not being loved back, or let's say worse than not getting the desired reaction to your thoughts and feelings.

Living with the regret of saying something is better than dying with the regret of not saying it. Expression they say is not that easy for everyone. It isn't for me either, but that shouldn't stop you from indulging in that. Write it on a letter, email it, text it, voice record it, if you cannot say it in person. But say what you wish to. Say what your heart feels. Let your head follow your heart, because like Paulo Coelho said, the heart knows everything. No matter what the consequences are, let the love inside you reach who it is for. When you can be so clear and loud about how you dislike something in someone or how you react when someone irritates you, why not be vocal about the appreciation or admiration or love that you have for someone. :)

Why not say it loud and clear that, you love someone's smile, or voice, or gestures, or how you look up to them, or how madly and irrevocably you are falling for them, or how you like to spend time with them, or how deeply they have affected your life, or how much they matter?

Tough? Indeed. It's tougher than most of the things you've done; nothing makes you weaker than these thoughts that are only in your head, because they need to reach a destination. I can assure you whatever happens post that, would be better than 'what ifs'! It's not about just getting them out of your system.

Dont you think, if you had the courage to fall in love, courage to feel all the emotions so deeply, or the courage to let someone have an impact on your life, courage to let someone break those walls and enter your heart; You should have the courage to speak all of it, and let them know how you feel! And why not, who wouldn't like few kind words being spoken about them? :) 

I cannot guarantee that it'll make you feel better, it might just not be in your favour, may be you goof up, may be it is not like the way you wanted it to be, may be it is exactly how you didnt want it to be, may be you are at the losing end, but like I said before, Live with the regret of saying it, rather that living with the regret of not even knowing what it could be? And what if, it turns out to be like you wanted it to be, or even in a more beautiful way or what if you find your fairytale? 

You gotta make a wish, work towards it, fight for it, and life shall definitely surprise you in the most beautiful way possible! Say it, dont keep your words in your heart, no matter what degree of introvert you are, or you are a scared introvert your words gotta reach the person they are for! 

HAVE THE COURAGE, Dear Heart!

Say it, Say it out Loud. What happens next is not something you or anyone can control! :)

Love

xx

To 2015, With Love.

Sometimes Home is a place , sometimes it is a person, this Home is a place with specific people.
Dilli, 2015 has been my highlight of this year. You know how every year you want to make it a better year, have zillion things to do, lists, places, resolutions; and end of the year you have hardly done anything. 2015 is my favourite year since 1992. I have met a lot of people randomly, and sometimes they are around for a while, sometimes they are not. This set of random people, are the ones, I am not letting go off for the rest of my life, that's how deeply they've touched my heart and affected my life.

John Green said, "The marks that human leaves are most often scars." Not ALWAYS. Never ever. Sometimes what people leave you with are marks of happiness, that can brighten up a sad day. You can rewind think of that one night when you felt happiness like you've never before. Those nights, Those days, Those moments are the ones that don't need pictures to be reminded of, they never fade away, they're right there in your head, and you'll time and again have a flash of them, and you'll be smiling, feeling the same happiness you felt that very night. Crazy right? :)

Sometimes, you bump into people who make you feel at home, who give you so much happiness, who give you warmth, who give you reality checks, who make you become a better person, but who don't judge you , people you can be YOU with, people you can rely on, people who'll probably not call you , text you, meet you often, but then when you meet them, it's like you've never separated.

I found home in House Number 48, Hauz Khas Village, Delhi-110006, and these three people who when mentioned will always bring a HUGE GRIN on my face. The one thing common in them , you can slit open your heart and mind and it's effortless. It's as smooth as the most expensive scotch. These are three different personalities, but when together I don't think there's a moment when I am not smiling, even if I am not smiling, my heart is happy, at peace and trying to absorb all the zillion things happening, so that later whenever I feel that, life isn't happy, I can remember these three, laughing, dancing, drinking, and I instantly feel better. They are the light that one needs on a dark gloomy night, or the last drop of water when there's drought.

2015, gave me three people, I'd never want to lose. None of them are similar to each other, all of them have something to give you, to teach you, and they'll add to your life in their own different ways. They are my doze of happiness, hope, laughter, fun, lessons, and everything else.

You know how reading an old conversation fills you up with happiness, that's the happiness I get when I am thinking of these three. I am smiling, remembering how they laugh out their heart and that image is my favourite. :)

So, 2015, to the year that you were, you've been kind, and I cannot thank you enough for giving me three gifts, wrapped up in different wrappings, each one being irreplaceable, each one being close to my heart, each one being as beautiful as the other.

Thanking you from the deepest corner of my heart for every memory , for every happiness, for everything that I have missed thanking you for. Thank you Shashi, Gaurav, Deepika :)

Some people take you to a place, where you've never been, where no one else can take you. You guys are the ones who do that. :)
STAY ALWAYS.

Love, Hugs and Kisses.

Divya
xx

Love your Curves!

You are wonderful the way you are.

With everyone going mad about being a size zero, believe me there's more to life than just being a size zero, and NO, I am not saying this, because I am not a size zero or a size two, or because I don't have a Victoria's Secret Body, I am saying this, because I love my curves ( Yes, I'd like to be fitter, and get rid of extra fat though), I don't wish to be skinny, I wish to be fit, yes so that I can fit into that dress, I just saw at a store a week back, not because I want to show it off to the world, and pick up on people who are heavier than me, but because I want to.

You see someone, you don't know their story. You might know them, but you might still not know the reasons why they are a particular way.
I love cake, I love pizza, I love all of it, Yes , I know they have a zillion calories, but mentioning them right when I am having it or pointing out "OMG, so many calories" won't take away the fat I already have, rather I just hate it when people start discussing weight while having food. LIKE WHY DO YOU WANT TO DISCUSS IT RIGHT NOW?

Being conscious about your weight , I understand. OBSESSING OVER IT, is stupid. And to top it, when all the so called FIT , ATTRACTIVE, PERFECT BODIED people think, they have the right to pick up on people who aren't in the mentioned category, and they do it, all I can think of is, giving them one TIGHT SLAP, because these people are the reason why people go on crash diets, and start suffering from anorexia. Maybe the fat guy/girl you saw have no control over the weight, may be they tend to gain sooner than you do, may be they eat half of what you do, and still gain.

Beauty to me, is only skin deep. Since when did it start meaning, being tall, or being skinny, or being fair etcetera? Since when did all of us become so shallow to just love the body and ignore the heart a person has?

In the recent times where every girl's dream is to be a 'size zero', the society pictures fat women as undesirable and unattractive, let's change it all, embrace yourself, Embrace your curves, Smile and be proud when someone says, you have curves. You are beautiful the way you are. Your heart and brain makes you beautiful, the body one day would have wrinkles and that day if you still have a smart mouth and a loving heart, I think, I'D ALWAYS WANT SOMEONE LIKE THAT CLOSE TO ME!

Dress Well, Stay Pretty, Shine ON! Show off those curves, Bones don't make you sexayy, Curves do!!! Love your body, Love yourself. Stop looking down at yourself, if you have flabby arms or heavier thighs. If you wouldn't love yourself then how can you expect someone else to?
Imperfection is Beauty, Size zero isn't! :)

Love

xx

My Heart Is In My Vagina.

It has always amazed me how some people manage separating their heart and brains, and honestly I would do anything to do that, ANYTHING. Why? Because that is one thing I fail to do, no matter what.

Sleeping with a friend is no longer a taboo, but a lifestyle choice, generally called, "Friends with Benefits". So, you enjoy the company, fool around, chill, have sex, and don't get involved emotionally. Whereas I see nothing wrong in it, I fail to even dare to think about entering something like that. I mean, is it really possible to keep your heart away while you are going to the highest level of intimacy? Can you be so comfortable around someone so that you give your body to them, without having any feelings ? Can you just kiss and not feel anything? 

I remember trying to not have any emotions , I failed, miserably, and hence I say my heart is in my vagina. Putting it in a simpler way, I cannot be physically involved with anyone who I don't have some mental, some emotional connection with. Intimacy, isn't it something that involves both the heart and body? How can something that is so intimate, sleeping with someone be so easy that you keep your emotions at bay? 

I don't think I can be comfortable naked in front of some stranger I just met at a club. I don't think I can kiss someone I don't have feelings for (may be love, maybe something else). I don't think I can just have sex and not care. The maximum I can do is pretend , but sooner or later it ends, and you realise how bad horrible the situation is. You end up in a state which prima facie is irreparable.

Friends with Benefits, might sound fun, of course, you are sleeping with someone without baggage, no commitment, no exclusivity , nothing. But the other side of it, you can end up shattered. What if when you are sleeping with a good friend, and you end up having feelings and then, BAMM. Do you think, you'd be able to lose the friend? I DON'T.  The last thing I want is losing people close, in fact, my biggest fear has been losing people. I know life is not a fairytale and hence risking friendship and having hope that may be this arrangement turns into something romantic is well, stupid.

Though at times you might just try to get the feelings away, but deep down you start seeing him in a different light. The damage is done, it has begun. You admit that you might like him, but you push that thought away. Sounds EASY, but it ISN'T. 

More than anything, FWB requires a control over your feelings right? I am not ashamed to accept that I cannot. It's not that I refuse to do it, I know it deep down, I cannot let someone be so close without feeling something for the person. I'd probably retreat and runaway, if there's no mental or emotional connect. Sometimes you are so comfortable with someone , that even though you know it won't last like you'd want it to, you just go ahead with it. You risk, you risk your heart and go ahead because you like it, and there's nothing wrong in it. What is wrong is , the damage it'll cause you.

Sometimes I wish, it hasn't been this way. Life would be easier. The heart won't be risked, it won't be dented, it would be intact, even when you are just sexually involved with someone. In current times I love how women are being so open about their bodies sexually, and admitting that they need such kind of intimacy. Unfortunately it leaves a lot of women vulnerable, can you separate sex from love?

Women should be able to be as free as they like with their bodies, as long as women like me understand that sometimes they will grow attached, and have to be prepared for the possibility that the men they want to be with won’t want to be with them. I don't know what one is supposed to do in such a situation, if you think you can be brave enough to get bruised and broken and get up, DO IT. If you think, you cannot, just DONT get into it. No matter how much you love the other person to be able to give him your all, without any returns, just LOVE yourself MORE always, and have the courage to WALK away, because you aren't Mila Kunis, you JUST AREN'T.

Love,

xx

Year One. Law School. Part 2. " The Dilli Girl."

So while on the train from home to Raipur, I was keeping a track of things happening in college through this "Dilli Girl" , I met during the admissions. So, the first thing that came into my mind after our first phone conversation was , " Dude, finally someone who speaks as much as I do" :D hahaha. *Don't kill me babe, you know I love you.*

It's strange, sometimes you end up with people you thought you will never even speak to, Life is so unpredictable. This "Dilli Girl" is Sangya Negi. The one I thought will never speak to anyone and would keep to herself, but NO! She's all smiling, waving to people and the best part, she ends up being my reason for surviving college till today. 

So Sangya Negi, is from "Gurgaon", and when you first know this, you would imagine her to be hi-fi , arrogant, oh I am so cool kinds, but NO.! She's sweet, warm, welcoming, adorable, mature and I can go on and on. You dont really look for people who you just FIT with, but sometimes you end up with exactly the person you need. So this girl was the first gift "Law School" gave me. The sole reason why I have survived the eight semesters, the only person who could get me at one go, (LET ME TELL YOU, IT'S NOT THAT EASY), the person who I was lucky to meet, the person I trust with my life, the person I can kill for, the person in college who I owe my law school life to. :)

They say, sometimes it takes years to build a friendship and sometimes just a few moments, and that was what happened. A few moments here and there, and it was as if we knew each other since long. Endless conversations about everything, from a freaking earring to some life decision as to what is to be done after 5 years. There wasn't anything which we won't talk about. (AND THEN PEOPLE ACTUALLY THOUGHT WE TALK ABOUT THEM, WE NEED TO STOP TALKING ABOUT OURSELVES FIRST FOR THAT, DUHH) Life was good.

Slowly, that feeling of missing home subsided, the feeling of HNLU being a second home had seeped in, I was happy , YES. (There were a few expectations from college , people and probably they weren't the same, but then "DILLI GIRL" was there). 

Trips to the city, a few additions to US happened, here and there meeting new people, getting to know things around, College life just began, and there was so much more to explore, learn and see. I was excited and worried like a little kid is when he/she first goes to school. 

Bring it on LIFE, I am eagerly waiting to see you closely , I said and this was a KICKASS start to the new phase called, "COLLEGE". 

Love
xx

She will kill me for this. Semester III.

FOOOD MAKES US HAPPY. ALWAYS. <3 td="">

Needless to say, what you MEAN to me, and always WILL! :*

You Pretty WOMAN, SANGYA! 

People Always Leave.

Often you find yourself holding on to people and things, who don't really wish to stay, and eventually you just loosen the grip and let go. And that day, you tell yourself to not let this thing happen to you ever again.
No matter how hard you try someday it all comes back to you. No matter how protected you keep yourself, living life in a bubble, trying to not let your mind wander to the things that happened, the numerous memories that are not coming back , just one day it hits you. IT HITS YOU SO HARD that you cannot avoid it. So I thought of just acknowledging and embracing this feeling today.

Have you ever been emotionally hurt? Hurt so bad you actually felt deep physical pain? I truly think everyone has; I know I certainly have. I have actually been saying in my head "PEOPLE ALWAYS LEAVE” for years. And every time it happens I pretend I am much less affected by it than I really am. I am not talking about just romantic relationships or ‘break-ups.’ I am also not saying it with the intent of sounding melancholy, I have just really believed it. Because every time I think they don't, someone proves me wrong. I wonder why people come into your life, if they have to walk out of it after all. They make you feel, they make you fall, they give you memories just so that every bit of it could be crumpled and thrown away in rusted dustbins laying unattended outside the apartments built over the decades. And the thing which it leaves me wondering is, "Do I push them away?"

Everytime, you have to accept it, pick yourself up and move the fuck ahead. You get connected, you give life a chance, you give yourself to something as beautiful as love, intimacy, you give them your everything. And then there, after leaving all the fears away, you give in, you let the wall down, and it ends like it always has. You see yourself standing in a crowd feeling lost. This is the reason why I haven't ever let myself depend on anyone. I am no heartless person, but if its easier to be that way, I would be. Stay as far as possible from anyone who I can tend to be inclined to and be safe? I wonder, if it really helps, but somewhere the heart fears what has always happened.

If only goodbyes meant for today and the faking smiles were real, If people meant what they said, and did what they promised, hearts will not be broken, the eyes would be dry and there would be no scars.I don't blame anyone but myself, because as it is said, and I believe it is absolutely true, "no one really has the power to hurt you without your consent." What it all comes down to is, what if you create a wall and do not let people who are real and true in. What if you miss out on finding someone who's gonna love you till the end? What if you miss out on a friend who's going to take care of that little fragile heart of yours and make you realise that good things happen. What if you lose on knowing someone who has been through things like you did and has been strong!

There are people who have stayed in my life constantly, when people came and left, and I know I would have missed on them, had I closed myself to them too. But then sometimes you let the wall down and let people take command of your heart and guide you. I guess I did that and found them. But somewhere deep those scars don't heal, the memories still haunt, those times that were crazy with the few people I would give away my life for come to my mind, and make me revert to closing myself. It's scary, that feeling of being left by people who meant your life to you, with absolutely no one around leaves you so broken that it takes a lot of time to gather it all and pick yourself up, and its not that easy.

I do not know if it's right to be scared and stay away and be safe, or to just go ahead and take the risk, take the leap of faith and let the heart take chances. Let the heart feel, and smile. It's happy and terrified both at once. What if I lose once again? What if it all happens once again?

It is a harsh reality that,no matter what you do, people always leave, but sometimes they do come back and stay. And if you're lucky, the best ones STAY and make it WORTH. They make it all alright and you can smile. This decision of opening up your heart or not is a tough one . But you gotta take it. You have to decide, if its worth, you should do give it a TRY! 

As far as what I wish for is, Someone to not give up even when everyone does, Someone to hold on to, Someone to look up to, Someone who would stay. JUST STAY. :)

Love.
xx

WHY ARE YOU STILL SINGLE?

I was eighteen when I left home. I guess I grew up fast and developed a sense of independence that was mental, I was pretty sure of how are things to be done, and how one needs to handle things that happen in life. Be it the smallest of arguments or a huge fight, it was always, one against the world. Yes, my mom and dad were worried , never showing it, but they would always say, "We know, you can take care of yourself." 

I have always been the single one of my friends, through high school and now in college. Not that I never wished to be with someone, never really worked out, never really found someone to be precise. Honestly, I have always been more that okay with it. I am writing about this right now, because the question "Why are you single?" has been around the corner and answering this question is always tough, because then follows a long questionnaire and advices and a lot more which I am highly uninterested in. Lately I have just thought of saying, "No one I am interested in , is interested in me, so I am pretty sure, I am going to be forever alone and I will die that way" I doubt anyone would ask me a list of questions after such a self-disparaging answer. Though its not totally true, it will do what I am hoping for and the subject will be changed.! Yayy! I shut them up and its victory!

The only times I feel awkward when I’m single is when I find myself faced with one of those extremely PDA-intent-on-making-you-feel-like-crap couples and when I am at a party and there you have slow songs and all that dancing, and all I can think of is, nothing actually. Most of the time, I’m not really thinking about it. I live by myself and I have few close friendships and that is more than enough. All this being all on my own thing, has allowed me to further my emotional independence, and as the days are passing, I appreciate it more and more.

When we generally aim to become financially independent in our twenties, we forget that we also need emotional independence as well. For good or bad, but being all by myself has given me some great life lessons. I know being in a relationship is great, its a beautiful feeling to be in love and be loved back, I would always envy that girl I see whose been looked at with so much love and care, or the one whose getting married, or the one who can always feel better just because there's a certain someone who would hug her and things will feel alright, because at times it makes me feel plain simple lonely.

I value relationships, I really do. I sure as hell  want one, but when it’s right and till now it never felt that way. I am yet to feel that way, and at times I would step back from feeling that way, because no matter how strong a person is , Rejection my friend is not that easy to take. I just want it to be right, not perfect, not fairytale like.Hook-up culture is so unbridled , it’s how people want to begin their relationships these days, in fact it’s how people do begin their relationships these days. And I’m not interested in it at all. What others do is none of my business, this is what I feel.

As far as "good relationships" go, I do think they take time, and for me, it’ll probably always be a more old-fashion process. I don't have my the opposite sex texting and calling me all the time but I have found that people will treat you how they can get away with treating you. So most guys who are interested do treat me well because I demand it. And I demand it, because I have emotional independence. My self-worth is not attached to an emotional dependence on another imperfect human being. I don’t depend on anyone to “make me feel good” about myself. I need people as much as we all do. But I never want to be completely emotionally reliant on someone. Because in the end, everyone will  disappoint you at some point. And you will disappoint others too. It's not in your hand, people will hurt you and you will have to deal with it, so why let someone be in control of your emotions, why let yourself be emotionally dependent on someone.

Single people love to whine about being single, I’d probably do the same. Again, not that I don't want a relationship, of course I do, but starting it just because I am single and people don't want me to be single is not what I can do. If it's real , why not. I would love to be in something as beautiful as love and experience it but not at the cost of anyone, and not just out of boredom or desperation etc. It all comes down to one thing that can trigger it, feelings and emotions. 

As far as my life goes, currently I have good people around me, a career to make, family who loves me, and some great days which will be cherished memories in the coming time! I am happy, may be not everyday, but well I am happy right now. I have my set of emotional days when I feel alone and cry , but who doesn't ?

After all, life is a bitter sweet symphony.. :)

It's never enough. NEVER.

Efforts. Efforts they say always count, in every field, be it relationships, friendships, academics and LIFE in general. But at this one point of time, it strikes you it's never enough. You may end up changing yourself for someone, but sometimes all they can see is all the flaws in you. 
We are human beings, and we are flawed, but when we are aware of them and we try and work on it,  and then one thing which makes you stop doing it , when the people closest to you won't appreciate the effort. Fine, don't appreciate but stop saying that there's no effort. 

They say, things change, things work when you want them to, but I think, no matter what you do, when something is not pleasant to the eye, that person would probably not say it, but it's there , there right in the heart, which you cannot see, but it comes only when there's an emotional outburst. So how long can one explain things? How long can one hope that things would be forgotten, things would not be mentioned because they are so futile.? How long?

Truth is of various kinds, one is the truth that'll be exactly what it is, it's harsh but it's real and it surely is something that is  not good to hear , the second is polished truth, so it's more like stating the facts but well you coat it with other things so that it's not unpleasant and not at all harsh. The third is manipulated truth, which I don't really consider in the category of truth. 
When people lie, knowing that the truth hurts, the one aspect they miss is that when the truth will come out, the hurt would be graver, it would be deeper and it'll take a longer time to heal, to be forgotten.

There comes a time when you want to give up on everything; friendships, relationships, hardships, on LIFE.
At that time, if you're lucky, someone would be there, to make you come back to life and deal with it, but at times the person you need to pick yourself up, is the only person who you are tired of explaining things, and when that happens, you realise, it's NEVER enough, it NEVER was, NEVER will be. 

Here it is then. I QUIT.

Letting Go?

Sometimes you are just meant to be there with yourself alone, because no matter how much you try people tend to always look at your flaws, they'll forget the zillion things or even ten things you did for them and concentrate on the flaws you have. Human Tendency ? May be?

I fail to understand what's that thing which makes it so hard to not care for someone. What is it, that would make you keep caring , somewhere down there, even though you know you are not cared for?

Trying your best to not care makes it harder I believe, the person just keeps coming back to your mind. Why is it so hard to LET GO? 

Every fight, every argument , every instance where there is friction between two people, its rarely that only one person thinks about it. That thing remains at the back of the mind for some, for some they show it. Doesn't mean one cares and the other doesn't. Life's a gift someone told me once, and most of the times its that person who would make me re-think , because I never knew a gift is so hard to handle, so difficult to deal with, and comes with so many other surprises, so many things attached to it.

I miss peace. I miss happiness. I miss a few people. I miss hugs. Tight hugs. 

I need to get away, need some peace of mind. *sigh*

"Sometimes pain becomes such a big part of our life, and you expect it to always be there, because you can't remember a time that it wasn't". - One Tree Hill.

xx

Fix Me.

I have never felt so lost. Everything happening all at once. No. This isn't fair.
This isn't how things are supposed to be. This is definitely not how I wanted things to be.
NO. I am not ready to go through more tests to prove my strength.

"This has to end sometime soon, something has to be done to fix it up."

"Lights, please guide me home"

Thought.

When you let people get close to you, there's a power you give them, the power to hurt you and break you. The confidence that they won't do it is what makes you give it. But this confidence is something which leads you to shatter yourself. 

No More Close.

Sometimes people push you away . At times by their words, at times by their actions, at times you just feel it. You feel terrible because their acts have been constantly hurting you. Every time you just forget it and carry on with things, but whenever there's something new that hurts you, you remember all the past things they have done. No its not intentional, probably its because of their present state of mind, or the present situation. But I wonder, don't they realise how selfish they are being?
I understand everyone has to choose between being selfish and selfless. But is choosing selfish or self love over being selfless all the time justified? 
I seldom think about this, but whenever I do, the grief this causes is something words fail to express. When someone whose just the one who you share things with, makes you feel like you don't exist, makes you feel left out, shares their sadness with this random friend they have, you feel terrible! 
People might think I over-react , but had this been something that happened once, I would never have, but its been happening, and it continues to happen. This happy It-doesn't-affect-me Smile is too much to keep. I want to runaway. I want to close myself and never get close to her or him or anyone else . Because when someone who was once the closest is no more close, it kills you. It shakes , breaks you, and you lose, you lose yourself in a way , you can never get back to being the same person. 

Or may be its normal not to share sometimes, may be its normal to hurt someone, because someone whose close to you is hurting you. Justified or not. All I want is this thing to go away. This feeling of remorse. This feeling of extreme sadness. This feeling that won't let me be in peace.

So  before it becomes too much to handle, I should retreat, and like I always said and believed, I'll stay till the time you need me, that's when my part as a friend begins. When you don't need me anymore, I shall bid you goodbye . 
Farewell friend.

Uncalled Changes.

" All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter another." - Anatole France


There are times when life throws everything at you together! All at once, and you are lost. Change is never easy, you fight to hold on, you fight to let go. Changes in people, situations, places, things around, and it goes on and on. What makes it difficult? the consequences of a particular change, its effect ,its aftermath. You fail to comprehend, to decipher the reasons why all of a sudden this great change happened, and why are things going haywire.Why would all changes happen at once?

Is this how things are supposed to be?

One friend you always counted on is no more around, a person you loved looking at when you felt lost has left and a place where you have lived your life, growing up, running around, chasing buses, laughing sitting at this one bench till 11 with a childhood friend is left behind. How does one deal with all of this? How do you keep letting go off people who were more than just a part of your life? The people without whom your life is nothing but a blank canvas! How do you just be okay with the fact that the ones who painted the canvas with all the beautiful colours, those beautiful memories are the ones you have to let go? They drift , drift away from you into this huge chaotic world, and you can do nothing but watch them, watch them leave, because if that makes them happy , then all you can do is smile. Smile every time you see something and remember them, every time you see two people acting the way you did and just live with those little little happy times which are engraved in your heart.

Who is to be blamed? People, situation or the distance? But wasn't the distance supposed to make the heart grow fonder?

Then sometimes, the person whose been the sole reason why you are loving your life at a particular place and time is no more like they used to. Yes, with age people change, but what's with the effect they have on other? Can't they for once think how deep a few things can hurt?The lack of comfort, communication gap, this void which is created, where did those days go? The days when that person was the first one to understand how horribly something is wrong with you, that your mind is wandering and you need someone to just hold on to, that your silence speaks of how hurt you are; that one person no more understands. WHY?

There's no one answer to this. Sometimes people need to just be with themselves. They need to take time off each other, even the closest of friends. The only fear that haunts is, what is this "time off each other" leads to the same thing that happened in t he past? What if this creates a distance, a space which never lets things get back to square one? No matter how much you try, a mirror once broken can never be the same again.

Lost as ever , Lost in the echoes, Lost in this huge space, all I can think of is meeting someone who'll make me feel at home, at peace. All I can think of is running and hugging a person who would understand the turbulence happening in my heart with just one hug. No words, No nothing..

Disappointments have been constant. But sometimes when you are disappointed by your close people it takes a toll on you. You are shaken, shaken to the core. You are sometimes hurt beyond repair. Broken promises, disappointments and people drifting apart, have an irreparable effect on me.So eventually you leave to live with the changes, the changes you always feared, the changes you never thought would happen, the changes that make you realise what the reality is! The changes that weren't suppose to happen, the changes that were uncalled for!
The challenge of dealing with changes is thrown at you, and it doesn't wait. Life does not look back. Changes will keep happening, it is the only constant! You can do nothing but adapt to the. Everyone you once thought you cannot live without, you learn to, you learn to, you learn to deal with changing times, situations, people , places. It's harder every time, but what doesn't kill you, makes you stronger.

Divya
xx

RAHUL DRAVID : THE UNSUNG HERO

I always think of various things I really wish to write on , but because of being a lazy human, I am unable to do so.

This post is about ONE SUCH MAN, who I wanted to marry as a child since grade 4! Its about the man who I have always wanted to write about, the man who is synonym to the word COMMITMENT, the man who has never been in the LIMELIGHT! THIS POST IS ABOUT RAHUL DRAVID!

Jammy, The Wall, Mr.Dependable are the few names which have been given to him. He might not hit six sixes in one over , or score a double century in ODI, but he’s there when you need a man to be there at the field to score runs and stand strong, when the temperature is 45 degree Celsius and he’s standing there with sweat dripping off his helmet, steady and scoring runs effortlessly for the team. In the early years of my life, when I started to understand what cricket is about, I have admired Rahul Dravid for the man he is ; Calm, Composed, Simple, Down-to-earth, and ABSOLUTELY CHARMING in the way he plays, speaks, behaves and a TRUE GENTLEMAN.

I have been his fan for his cuts, his defence tactics, his skills, and his absolutely adorable smile. The aggression in his eyes when he’s on the field has always left me spellbound. His swiftness, his dedication towards the game made me admire him more as years went by.

If there’s a man to turn to when the team is in trouble, its RAHUL DRAVID.
MY FAVOURITE QUOTES ON HIM :
Brett Lee
"If you can't get along with Dravid, you're struggling in life "
Glenn McGrath
"Dravid has been a class player for a long time now and we know his ability better than anyone. He's not like the other guys who love scoring off every ball, and there's no real weakness in his game either."
Navjot Singh Sidhu
"Rahul Dravid is a player who would walk on broken glass if his team asks him to"

He's not been talked about as much as the others have and not even appreciated like the other cricketers. This humble man, whose presence on the field sends a message across the country , that the match is not over yet, has often been ignored when it comes to his achievements , or his contribution to INDIAN CRICKET.

As of October 2012, Dravid is the third-highest run scorer in Test cricket, after Sachin and Ponting, and is only the second Indian cricketer, after Sachin to score 10,000 runs both in Tests and in ODIs. Wisden ranked him the third greatest Test batsman of all time, after Don Bradman and Tendulkar. In April 2009, he became the only player to score a century in all the ten Test-playing countries. As of October 2012, he holds the record for the most number of catches taken by a player (non-wicket-keeper) in Test cricket, with 210.

Then came that sad day, in August 2011, after receiving a surprise call in the ODI series against England, Dravid declared his retirement from ODIs as well as 20-20, and in March 2012, he announced his retirement from international and 1st class cricket. It was depressing for me, as it was unexpected, and this news about him, the man who was one of the reasons why I loved this game, the man whose newspaper cuttings were all over my notebooks, whose CLASSIC SQUARE CUT used to make me JUMP IN THE AIR, literally, shook me and as I took sometime to register this in my head, I realised how less this MAN has been appreciated.

Irrespective of what he has achieved in his glorious career of 15 long years, this man has this place in my heart which no one can take. His flexibility, by playing at various number in the team , from being a great batsman, to a great fielder, to a wicket-keeper, and being a captain, playing under the shadows of Sachin Tendulkar , Soarav Ganguly, this man has amazed me with his calm-composed and humble self, and his fitness which is never talked about.

Rahul Dravid is one man in the INDIAN CRICKET, who is truly a hero for me atleast. One man, who deserves RESPECT, One man whose retirement day was one of the saddest days of my life. One man, who was a blessing to INDIAN CRICKET. One man whose retirement has created a void in the INDIAN CRICKET TEAM, which is impossible to be filled in the future.

-
D.

Answer to None, Not sure answer to even one!

I sit here, with million things going in my head altogether.
A broken promise, A happy memory, A long lost friend, A feeling unexpressed, A person who I am no more friends with, A person who I never imagined being friends with and so on.
The reason why I love writing is, because I can vent out all the things going in my head. The frustration , The anxiety, The restlessness , The happiness, The love, The anger . And when no right person can be found, words always help!

With all these various things in head, I wonder, what went wrong when I lost a friend, or when a person just stopped talking without a reason, I think about going back to that one happy memory back at school when I had not a care in the world, I think about what my life would be after 4-5 years? Will I have the set of people who complete my life with me, Will I be the same Divya I am, or will I change again , because Change is the only constant!
Questions. Questions. So many of them, and answer to none. No sure answer to even one!


Life is unpredictable, short and unfair at times and we humans can do nothing but live with this fact.

Divya
xx

How To Have a Lovely Day.

1. Smile at strangers
2. Slow down
3. Say thank you
4. Give lots of compliments
5. Dress nicely
6. Wear perfume
7. Observe and listen
8. Be charming
9. Laugh
10. Wish people a lovely day



Divya

xx

THE NOT SO NORMAL TRAIN JOURNEY.!

SHALIMAR LTT, that was the name of the train, but no one knew that two trains with similar names going in different directions will be scheduled to reach Raipur station at the same time.!
We reached the station about an hour early, and were extremely excited to board the train. Some coolie told us its on platform 5, so we went to that platform and the train was to come in 30 minutes! Hoping to see the train number up, so we could just be outside our coaches and board it AS SOON AS POSSIBLE, we realise that the train we have to board is coming on platform 1, in fact it was already there.

And, at that very moment, I could just see myself missing the train to BOMBAY!
EVERYONE ran like CRAZYYY, with so heavy luggage, hitting people, hoping to just get inside any coach, I RAN like I was running FOR MY LIFE!!! Thankfully, the train was 5 minutes late, I reached, and I started calling others up!
Luckily, and I thank GOD for that, All of US boarded the train!
Laughter filled our compartment, as we started our most awaited trip to MUMBAI with a BANG!

As we settled , telling people to leave and putting our luggage, eating , talking, singing, planning how to spend the days in Mumbai etc, in sometime came the TT, and GUESS WHAT!!! The ticket was no where!! :P

Everyone again, began their search for the ticket, here there everywhere!!!!!
We were unsuccessful, coming to the conclusion that Sangya flew the ticket out the window! :P hahahahahah! Because around an hour back, I saw something flying out the window!
So now, we were again laughing like crazzyy, TOO MUCH ADVENTURE already! Luckily, the ticket guy didnt come back, and we found the ticket, which Sangya dropped in the washroom, yes it didnt fly out the window! :P

It was a cold night, not very chilly, but not hot either! Waking up in the morning, to the bright sun, sitting on the window seat, observing the pretty surroundings, I realised how much I love traveling and observing the things around! :)
We clicked pictures, stood near the door! :D Gave weird looks to weird people!
And had a memorable journey!
Good Company matters! :D All the time!
So this ones for you guys, who gave a KICKASS start to MUMBAI TRIP! :D

Love
Divya
xx

CHOICES.

Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.

Things have a habit of happening at the wrong time and all the time they leave me with hard choices. They leave me on this crossroad, and at that very moment, the head and heart have heated arguments, the result of which never comes, and never will they agree with each other. They listen to your head, because heart has the habit of screwing up , but then what the heart says is something you REALLY want. Because, “It’s the heart which knows the deepest desires.”

I wonder, what fun it would be for GOD, to give me two things which I want equally, at the same time, and sit and watch the battle inside, which is trying to choose between , ‘Something I want terribly and Something I have been waiting for since long to happen.’

WHY ! :(

It’s not a life changing decision, but there are things which the Heart finds merrier , something which it has been secretly wanting, and the heart has its own reasons, the ones noone but the heart understands.

 

CHOICE. I can choose one! Time my Baby, Why would you that do to me?

And THE BATTLE continues inside.

Divya

xx