Friendship Day Mush.

Dear Ex-Best Friend,

As you had known me since a long long time, you knew I was horrible when it came to dealing with losing people, and even though the world was unable to see what that did to me or was doing to me, you always could sense it :) Best Friend things right? I don't know what you are upto, I don't get to give you random calls to just say 'Hi' or say nothing at all, and I don't get to post random things on your wall because I just wanted to and now there's no one to irritate me to the extent that I'd hit them with whatever I have in my hand. I get to see your activity once in a while, and I smile and sigh at times reading a few things, or when someone else comes up and tells me about what you're doing, I go back to the time, when I would make sure you were the first person to know even the most stupid thing that happened with me. I hope whatever you are doing is giving you the happiness that you felt whenever you would see a bollywood movie that had SRK! :D I hope you do what we spoke about in our 2am conversations !  Yes, I would have been happier if you would still have been around you know, Since you definitely uncomplicated life for me, but C'est la vie.

Dear Best Friend, 

I am surprised and glad because you’ve managed to stick around with someone who’s at times erratic, complex, lost and at the same time focused, decisive, sorted. I lose my cool more often than I should, I say things which I don't mean, and I will continue to do so, because I know, even if I do that, I can wake up the next morning and text you and you will understand, like you always do, even without words, and I don't know how you do it. I don't know how over a text message you can guess that things aren't fine. I can't keep anything from you, it's impossible. If I don't tell you, I cannot be at peace :P Because of which now you know too much, and hence I can't afford to lose you.

Know that I'll fuck up, a lot, but I will keep sending you mushy text messages, give you tight hugs, write you long letters and emails, do a lot of PDA, and no matter what happens, I shall always pick you up when you fall, and then go kill the person who made you fall! :D Stay, I need you, always. :) 

Dear New Friend/Acquaintance/Stranger, 

You are just around the corner, about to enter my bubble where something or the other keeps happening, life will never feel dull, because well, that’s how it’s supposed to be, or may be that’s how my life has always been and will be. I don't know if we will stay friends for days, months, years etc but I know if we hit it off, be sure that it's gonna be a happy crazy ride, and there'll be arguments, disagreements and miscommunications, but talking almost always resolves it. Call, Text, Shout, Fight, but don't just walk away, I can try to stop you but I cannot force you to stay :)

Dear all of the above,

What we were, What we are, What we will be doesn’t matter, because whoever you were you’ve added something to my life. 

I can’t promise you that I will be the best out of the friends that you have, because I falter, a lot, I get angry, a lot, I tend to zone out, a lot, but, I will always care, a lot, give you random hugs, a lot, write to you, a lot and I will fight for you and with you, a lot.

I can promise you that if ever you run out of people to go to, let me know and I shall not disappoint you, your secrets will go to my grave and even though I am as naive as you are, but together we'll find solutions to life's biggest problems. I promise to be the shoulder and the arms both and the one friend who will get drunk with you and who will get you drunk :) Wingwoman, Counsellor, Partner-in-crime, Entertainer; you name it and I can be that! :D 

Love, Hugs and Kisses,

Yours, 

(Hate Being Customised) Divya

xx

We Don't Repair, We Replace.

No matter how hard you try, sometimes you drift apart from your closest people, sometimes even the longest of friendships end. Time loses its essence. Emotions take a back seat. Ego rules your head and heart. Your priorities are different. This way, what could have still been saved, may be with an effort or two, falls apart.

We are a generation that replaces, that doesn't repair, that doesn't try, because we are busy in the race of life. We are too cool, too rigid, with "I don't give a fuck" attitude, and we are too confident that, we can find other people who will be so much better than these stupid people who once were an inseparable part of our life. We break up on text messages, we end friendships by a whatsapp message followed by un-friending, unfollowing on every social media portal. I mean, seriously? Texts, the most fucked up form of communication that only and solely causes confusion and communication gaps!

I am not saying, keep chasing, keep running behind that person, but at least give it one shot? Drop them a text, place a call, and talk, try to figure it out. I know it's easy to find yourself new cool chaps to hang out with, go grab a drink with, and dance the weekend away, but don't you think for all the times you people were there for each other when no one else was, do you think you'll be able to find someone; who you'll run to when your heart is breaking, who you'll run to when you need to approach that guy you've been crushing since forever, someone who you want to share every tiny detail of your day, who you run to when you need those arms to heal you, who you'll call when you have no words to explain what's happening in your head and heart. I think, "your person" should be given one chance, what you shared should be given one chance. The numerous emotions, memories, etc deserve one chance?

Things wither away, but this, what you have, what you share, is not just a THING. I am not at all talking about all the romantic relationships, I am talking about those friendships that worn out, that just change due to no reasons, when people from talking to all day, go to few times in a day, to few times in a week and so on, and then they reach this awkward phase where even if they wish to talk, they dont. They just let go. Letting go may have become easier, because there are so many ways you can keep yourself distracted and occupied, that we dont even give it one chance?

Misunderstandings, Miscommunications, Assumptions and in all this drama, forgetting to listen to the other person. Sigh. What happened to the times, when you gave each other numerous chances and came out stronger? Trusted each other even more? Made promises to never leave even when you feel like hating each other, because you loved each other more than all the hate?

It amazes me, It will always amaze me, how easily we humans, drift apart, sometimes without a word, sometimes with just "one word texts", sometimes by being blocked. How easily we replace, how easily we just let it go,how easily we give up on each other. How we just dont bother about anyone else but our own self?

Love.
D.
xx

The Name's Negi, Sangya Negi.

I run out of words to describe what this girl is to me.
Ray of sunshine on a dark night, source of happiness when everything is gloomy, peace when there’s CHAOS; always successful in reading my mind and heart :D. The name’s Negi, SANGYA NEGI!
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July 2011, distressed, sad, lost. I was dreading the college admissions. I see this girl in Red (Oh Red was her favourite colour back then, it’s GIRLY PINK now), She’s trying to figure out something, came to my father asking questions and we start talking, exchange numbers. That day, I hadn’t thought she would become what she has become now to me. Last minute admission and this gift wrapped in Red with a scarf around (Little soul is always having cold :P) , she brought back what was lost since long, she brought back me to life, and so, she’s LIFE.
Sometimes you meet someone and in that one meeting , be it just a few minutes or hours, you feel so close and you open so fast that even you don’t realise how it happened. With you, I could share anything and everything. Conversations, those few conversations made me realise, “arey ye mere jaisi hai” ! :D

This girl is my confidant, my lifeline, my saviour, my partner in crime, back bone, counsellor, one person who would never ever judge me, one person who would be okay even if I tell her I murdered someone :D
Need advice, go to her. Need food at 12, Sangya will cooook. Need anything, just say Sangya and the thing is there. You fairy! :*

You’ve showered me enough love to last forever, you’ve seen me at my worst(LITERALLY MY WORST) and you’ve still loved me unconditionally, you’ve made me have faith, you’ve made me survive HNLU (TOUGHEST THING EVER), you’ve made me feel special, you’ve saved me from so many things, you’ve taken care of me like no one else, you’ve tolerated my hunger anger, you’ve made me believe that some people don’t leave you ever, you’ve given me another family that loves me dearly, and you’ve given me reasons to LIVE, when I had all the reasons to not (atleast I thought so at that time :D )

Sangya, in these five years of college life, the one thing that I am thankful to college for is YOU. Had you not been here, I wouldn’t have survived college and life. I can go on and on, because you woman deserve it all.
With chaos in your life, you handle things so beautifully, that I end up loving you more and then how can I miss mentioning your rib-crushing hugs!
Thank you , Thank you for being YOU. Thank you for being there. Thank you for saving me. Thank you for loving me. Thank you for making me a better person everyday. Thank you for letting me be who I am, yet letting me become a better human being every single day. :*

I love you way to much to write it down in words.

Tum na hoti toh zindagi adhuri hoti. :)

So, as you turn older, I wish that your heart’s deepest desires are fulfilled, may your skin become flawless, and teeth remain intact, may your hair be frizz-free, and may the food you eat never makes you gain weight! :P
And I hope every time you make a wish, somewhere there’s a shooting star that makes sure that it comes true!

Happpy Birthdayyy Womaniya! :*
Go eat the entire cake, and start thinking of what the cake for Birthday '17 would be! :P

My Jigar ka Tukda :*

 

Hostel, Us and Pictures <3 td="">

Lovee

xx

COURAGE, Dear Heart.

Give a thought to dying. You are walking on the road and a bus hits you and you're gone. Just imagine the things that die with you; a kind word, a hidden feeling, a thought to share and so much more. There are things you wish to say, but you don't. But time flies, today you're here, tomorrow you won't be. Missing a chance to say what's in your heart and dying with it would suck. It would be worse than being turned down, worse than not being loved back, or let's say worse than not getting the desired reaction to your thoughts and feelings.

Living with the regret of saying something is better than dying with the regret of not saying it. Expression they say is not that easy for everyone. It isn't for me either, but that shouldn't stop you from indulging in that. Write it on a letter, email it, text it, voice record it, if you cannot say it in person. But say what you wish to. Say what your heart feels. Let your head follow your heart, because like Paulo Coelho said, the heart knows everything. No matter what the consequences are, let the love inside you reach who it is for. When you can be so clear and loud about how you dislike something in someone or how you react when someone irritates you, why not be vocal about the appreciation or admiration or love that you have for someone. :)

Why not say it loud and clear that, you love someone's smile, or voice, or gestures, or how you look up to them, or how madly and irrevocably you are falling for them, or how you like to spend time with them, or how deeply they have affected your life, or how much they matter?

Tough? Indeed. It's tougher than most of the things you've done; nothing makes you weaker than these thoughts that are only in your head, because they need to reach a destination. I can assure you whatever happens post that, would be better than 'what ifs'! It's not about just getting them out of your system.

Dont you think, if you had the courage to fall in love, courage to feel all the emotions so deeply, or the courage to let someone have an impact on your life, courage to let someone break those walls and enter your heart; You should have the courage to speak all of it, and let them know how you feel! And why not, who wouldn't like few kind words being spoken about them? :) 

I cannot guarantee that it'll make you feel better, it might just not be in your favour, may be you goof up, may be it is not like the way you wanted it to be, may be it is exactly how you didnt want it to be, may be you are at the losing end, but like I said before, Live with the regret of saying it, rather that living with the regret of not even knowing what it could be? And what if, it turns out to be like you wanted it to be, or even in a more beautiful way or what if you find your fairytale? 

You gotta make a wish, work towards it, fight for it, and life shall definitely surprise you in the most beautiful way possible! Say it, dont keep your words in your heart, no matter what degree of introvert you are, or you are a scared introvert your words gotta reach the person they are for! 

HAVE THE COURAGE, Dear Heart!

Say it, Say it out Loud. What happens next is not something you or anyone can control! :)

Love

xx

To 2015, With Love.

Sometimes Home is a place , sometimes it is a person, this Home is a place with specific people.
Dilli, 2015 has been my highlight of this year. You know how every year you want to make it a better year, have zillion things to do, lists, places, resolutions; and end of the year you have hardly done anything. 2015 is my favourite year since 1992. I have met a lot of people randomly, and sometimes they are around for a while, sometimes they are not. This set of random people, are the ones, I am not letting go off for the rest of my life, that's how deeply they've touched my heart and affected my life.

John Green said, "The marks that human leaves are most often scars." Not ALWAYS. Never ever. Sometimes what people leave you with are marks of happiness, that can brighten up a sad day. You can rewind think of that one night when you felt happiness like you've never before. Those nights, Those days, Those moments are the ones that don't need pictures to be reminded of, they never fade away, they're right there in your head, and you'll time and again have a flash of them, and you'll be smiling, feeling the same happiness you felt that very night. Crazy right? :)

Sometimes, you bump into people who make you feel at home, who give you so much happiness, who give you warmth, who give you reality checks, who make you become a better person, but who don't judge you , people you can be YOU with, people you can rely on, people who'll probably not call you , text you, meet you often, but then when you meet them, it's like you've never separated.

I found home in House Number 48, Hauz Khas Village, Delhi-110006, and these three people who when mentioned will always bring a HUGE GRIN on my face. The one thing common in them , you can slit open your heart and mind and it's effortless. It's as smooth as the most expensive scotch. These are three different personalities, but when together I don't think there's a moment when I am not smiling, even if I am not smiling, my heart is happy, at peace and trying to absorb all the zillion things happening, so that later whenever I feel that, life isn't happy, I can remember these three, laughing, dancing, drinking, and I instantly feel better. They are the light that one needs on a dark gloomy night, or the last drop of water when there's drought.

2015, gave me three people, I'd never want to lose. None of them are similar to each other, all of them have something to give you, to teach you, and they'll add to your life in their own different ways. They are my doze of happiness, hope, laughter, fun, lessons, and everything else.

You know how reading an old conversation fills you up with happiness, that's the happiness I get when I am thinking of these three. I am smiling, remembering how they laugh out their heart and that image is my favourite. :)

So, 2015, to the year that you were, you've been kind, and I cannot thank you enough for giving me three gifts, wrapped up in different wrappings, each one being irreplaceable, each one being close to my heart, each one being as beautiful as the other.

Thanking you from the deepest corner of my heart for every memory , for every happiness, for everything that I have missed thanking you for. Thank you Shashi, Gaurav, Deepika :)

Some people take you to a place, where you've never been, where no one else can take you. You guys are the ones who do that. :)
STAY ALWAYS.

Love, Hugs and Kisses.

Divya
xx

Love your Curves!

You are wonderful the way you are.

With everyone going mad about being a size zero, believe me there's more to life than just being a size zero, and NO, I am not saying this, because I am not a size zero or a size two, or because I don't have a Victoria's Secret Body, I am saying this, because I love my curves ( Yes, I'd like to be fitter, and get rid of extra fat though), I don't wish to be skinny, I wish to be fit, yes so that I can fit into that dress, I just saw at a store a week back, not because I want to show it off to the world, and pick up on people who are heavier than me, but because I want to.

You see someone, you don't know their story. You might know them, but you might still not know the reasons why they are a particular way.
I love cake, I love pizza, I love all of it, Yes , I know they have a zillion calories, but mentioning them right when I am having it or pointing out "OMG, so many calories" won't take away the fat I already have, rather I just hate it when people start discussing weight while having food. LIKE WHY DO YOU WANT TO DISCUSS IT RIGHT NOW?

Being conscious about your weight , I understand. OBSESSING OVER IT, is stupid. And to top it, when all the so called FIT , ATTRACTIVE, PERFECT BODIED people think, they have the right to pick up on people who aren't in the mentioned category, and they do it, all I can think of is, giving them one TIGHT SLAP, because these people are the reason why people go on crash diets, and start suffering from anorexia. Maybe the fat guy/girl you saw have no control over the weight, may be they tend to gain sooner than you do, may be they eat half of what you do, and still gain.

Beauty to me, is only skin deep. Since when did it start meaning, being tall, or being skinny, or being fair etcetera? Since when did all of us become so shallow to just love the body and ignore the heart a person has?

In the recent times where every girl's dream is to be a 'size zero', the society pictures fat women as undesirable and unattractive, let's change it all, embrace yourself, Embrace your curves, Smile and be proud when someone says, you have curves. You are beautiful the way you are. Your heart and brain makes you beautiful, the body one day would have wrinkles and that day if you still have a smart mouth and a loving heart, I think, I'D ALWAYS WANT SOMEONE LIKE THAT CLOSE TO ME!

Dress Well, Stay Pretty, Shine ON! Show off those curves, Bones don't make you sexayy, Curves do!!! Love your body, Love yourself. Stop looking down at yourself, if you have flabby arms or heavier thighs. If you wouldn't love yourself then how can you expect someone else to?
Imperfection is Beauty, Size zero isn't! :)

Love

xx

My Heart Is In My Vagina.

It has always amazed me how some people manage separating their heart and brains, and honestly I would do anything to do that, ANYTHING. Why? Because that is one thing I fail to do, no matter what.

Sleeping with a friend is no longer a taboo, but a lifestyle choice, generally called, "Friends with Benefits". So, you enjoy the company, fool around, chill, have sex, and don't get involved emotionally. Whereas I see nothing wrong in it, I fail to even dare to think about entering something like that. I mean, is it really possible to keep your heart away while you are going to the highest level of intimacy? Can you be so comfortable around someone so that you give your body to them, without having any feelings ? Can you just kiss and not feel anything? 

I remember trying to not have any emotions , I failed, miserably, and hence I say my heart is in my vagina. Putting it in a simpler way, I cannot be physically involved with anyone who I don't have some mental, some emotional connection with. Intimacy, isn't it something that involves both the heart and body? How can something that is so intimate, sleeping with someone be so easy that you keep your emotions at bay? 

I don't think I can be comfortable naked in front of some stranger I just met at a club. I don't think I can kiss someone I don't have feelings for (may be love, maybe something else). I don't think I can just have sex and not care. The maximum I can do is pretend , but sooner or later it ends, and you realise how bad horrible the situation is. You end up in a state which prima facie is irreparable.

Friends with Benefits, might sound fun, of course, you are sleeping with someone without baggage, no commitment, no exclusivity , nothing. But the other side of it, you can end up shattered. What if when you are sleeping with a good friend, and you end up having feelings and then, BAMM. Do you think, you'd be able to lose the friend? I DON'T.  The last thing I want is losing people close, in fact, my biggest fear has been losing people. I know life is not a fairytale and hence risking friendship and having hope that may be this arrangement turns into something romantic is well, stupid.

Though at times you might just try to get the feelings away, but deep down you start seeing him in a different light. The damage is done, it has begun. You admit that you might like him, but you push that thought away. Sounds EASY, but it ISN'T. 

More than anything, FWB requires a control over your feelings right? I am not ashamed to accept that I cannot. It's not that I refuse to do it, I know it deep down, I cannot let someone be so close without feeling something for the person. I'd probably retreat and runaway, if there's no mental or emotional connect. Sometimes you are so comfortable with someone , that even though you know it won't last like you'd want it to, you just go ahead with it. You risk, you risk your heart and go ahead because you like it, and there's nothing wrong in it. What is wrong is , the damage it'll cause you.

Sometimes I wish, it hasn't been this way. Life would be easier. The heart won't be risked, it won't be dented, it would be intact, even when you are just sexually involved with someone. In current times I love how women are being so open about their bodies sexually, and admitting that they need such kind of intimacy. Unfortunately it leaves a lot of women vulnerable, can you separate sex from love?

Women should be able to be as free as they like with their bodies, as long as women like me understand that sometimes they will grow attached, and have to be prepared for the possibility that the men they want to be with won’t want to be with them. I don't know what one is supposed to do in such a situation, if you think you can be brave enough to get bruised and broken and get up, DO IT. If you think, you cannot, just DONT get into it. No matter how much you love the other person to be able to give him your all, without any returns, just LOVE yourself MORE always, and have the courage to WALK away, because you aren't Mila Kunis, you JUST AREN'T.

Love,

xx

People Always Leave.

Often you find yourself holding on to people and things, who don't really wish to stay, and eventually you just loosen the grip and let go. And that day, you tell yourself to not let this thing happen to you ever again.
No matter how hard you try someday it all comes back to you. No matter how protected you keep yourself, living life in a bubble, trying to not let your mind wander to the things that happened, the numerous memories that are not coming back , just one day it hits you. IT HITS YOU SO HARD that you cannot avoid it. So I thought of just acknowledging and embracing this feeling today.

Have you ever been emotionally hurt? Hurt so bad you actually felt deep physical pain? I truly think everyone has; I know I certainly have. I have actually been saying in my head "PEOPLE ALWAYS LEAVE” for years. And every time it happens I pretend I am much less affected by it than I really am. I am not talking about just romantic relationships or ‘break-ups.’ I am also not saying it with the intent of sounding melancholy, I have just really believed it. Because every time I think they don't, someone proves me wrong. I wonder why people come into your life, if they have to walk out of it after all. They make you feel, they make you fall, they give you memories just so that every bit of it could be crumpled and thrown away in rusted dustbins laying unattended outside the apartments built over the decades. And the thing which it leaves me wondering is, "Do I push them away?"

Everytime, you have to accept it, pick yourself up and move the fuck ahead. You get connected, you give life a chance, you give yourself to something as beautiful as love, intimacy, you give them your everything. And then there, after leaving all the fears away, you give in, you let the wall down, and it ends like it always has. You see yourself standing in a crowd feeling lost. This is the reason why I haven't ever let myself depend on anyone. I am no heartless person, but if its easier to be that way, I would be. Stay as far as possible from anyone who I can tend to be inclined to and be safe? I wonder, if it really helps, but somewhere the heart fears what has always happened.

If only goodbyes meant for today and the faking smiles were real, If people meant what they said, and did what they promised, hearts will not be broken, the eyes would be dry and there would be no scars.I don't blame anyone but myself, because as it is said, and I believe it is absolutely true, "no one really has the power to hurt you without your consent." What it all comes down to is, what if you create a wall and do not let people who are real and true in. What if you miss out on finding someone who's gonna love you till the end? What if you miss out on a friend who's going to take care of that little fragile heart of yours and make you realise that good things happen. What if you lose on knowing someone who has been through things like you did and has been strong!

There are people who have stayed in my life constantly, when people came and left, and I know I would have missed on them, had I closed myself to them too. But then sometimes you let the wall down and let people take command of your heart and guide you. I guess I did that and found them. But somewhere deep those scars don't heal, the memories still haunt, those times that were crazy with the few people I would give away my life for come to my mind, and make me revert to closing myself. It's scary, that feeling of being left by people who meant your life to you, with absolutely no one around leaves you so broken that it takes a lot of time to gather it all and pick yourself up, and its not that easy.

I do not know if it's right to be scared and stay away and be safe, or to just go ahead and take the risk, take the leap of faith and let the heart take chances. Let the heart feel, and smile. It's happy and terrified both at once. What if I lose once again? What if it all happens once again?

It is a harsh reality that,no matter what you do, people always leave, but sometimes they do come back and stay. And if you're lucky, the best ones STAY and make it WORTH. They make it all alright and you can smile. This decision of opening up your heart or not is a tough one . But you gotta take it. You have to decide, if its worth, you should do give it a TRY! 

As far as what I wish for is, Someone to not give up even when everyone does, Someone to hold on to, Someone to look up to, Someone who would stay. JUST STAY. :)

Love.
xx

WHY ARE YOU STILL SINGLE?

I was eighteen when I left home. I guess I grew up fast and developed a sense of independence that was mental, I was pretty sure of how are things to be done, and how one needs to handle things that happen in life. Be it the smallest of arguments or a huge fight, it was always, one against the world. Yes, my mom and dad were worried , never showing it, but they would always say, "We know, you can take care of yourself." 

I have always been the single one of my friends, through high school and now in college. Not that I never wished to be with someone, never really worked out, never really found someone to be precise. Honestly, I have always been more that okay with it. I am writing about this right now, because the question "Why are you single?" has been around the corner and answering this question is always tough, because then follows a long questionnaire and advices and a lot more which I am highly uninterested in. Lately I have just thought of saying, "No one I am interested in , is interested in me, so I am pretty sure, I am going to be forever alone and I will die that way" I doubt anyone would ask me a list of questions after such a self-disparaging answer. Though its not totally true, it will do what I am hoping for and the subject will be changed.! Yayy! I shut them up and its victory!

The only times I feel awkward when I’m single is when I find myself faced with one of those extremely PDA-intent-on-making-you-feel-like-crap couples and when I am at a party and there you have slow songs and all that dancing, and all I can think of is, nothing actually. Most of the time, I’m not really thinking about it. I live by myself and I have few close friendships and that is more than enough. All this being all on my own thing, has allowed me to further my emotional independence, and as the days are passing, I appreciate it more and more.

When we generally aim to become financially independent in our twenties, we forget that we also need emotional independence as well. For good or bad, but being all by myself has given me some great life lessons. I know being in a relationship is great, its a beautiful feeling to be in love and be loved back, I would always envy that girl I see whose been looked at with so much love and care, or the one whose getting married, or the one who can always feel better just because there's a certain someone who would hug her and things will feel alright, because at times it makes me feel plain simple lonely.

I value relationships, I really do. I sure as hell  want one, but when it’s right and till now it never felt that way. I am yet to feel that way, and at times I would step back from feeling that way, because no matter how strong a person is , Rejection my friend is not that easy to take. I just want it to be right, not perfect, not fairytale like.Hook-up culture is so unbridled , it’s how people want to begin their relationships these days, in fact it’s how people do begin their relationships these days. And I’m not interested in it at all. What others do is none of my business, this is what I feel.

As far as "good relationships" go, I do think they take time, and for me, it’ll probably always be a more old-fashion process. I don't have my the opposite sex texting and calling me all the time but I have found that people will treat you how they can get away with treating you. So most guys who are interested do treat me well because I demand it. And I demand it, because I have emotional independence. My self-worth is not attached to an emotional dependence on another imperfect human being. I don’t depend on anyone to “make me feel good” about myself. I need people as much as we all do. But I never want to be completely emotionally reliant on someone. Because in the end, everyone will  disappoint you at some point. And you will disappoint others too. It's not in your hand, people will hurt you and you will have to deal with it, so why let someone be in control of your emotions, why let yourself be emotionally dependent on someone.

Single people love to whine about being single, I’d probably do the same. Again, not that I don't want a relationship, of course I do, but starting it just because I am single and people don't want me to be single is not what I can do. If it's real , why not. I would love to be in something as beautiful as love and experience it but not at the cost of anyone, and not just out of boredom or desperation etc. It all comes down to one thing that can trigger it, feelings and emotions. 

As far as my life goes, currently I have good people around me, a career to make, family who loves me, and some great days which will be cherished memories in the coming time! I am happy, may be not everyday, but well I am happy right now. I have my set of emotional days when I feel alone and cry , but who doesn't ?

After all, life is a bitter sweet symphony.. :)

Letting Go?

Sometimes you are just meant to be there with yourself alone, because no matter how much you try people tend to always look at your flaws, they'll forget the zillion things or even ten things you did for them and concentrate on the flaws you have. Human Tendency ? May be?

I fail to understand what's that thing which makes it so hard to not care for someone. What is it, that would make you keep caring , somewhere down there, even though you know you are not cared for?

Trying your best to not care makes it harder I believe, the person just keeps coming back to your mind. Why is it so hard to LET GO? 

Every fight, every argument , every instance where there is friction between two people, its rarely that only one person thinks about it. That thing remains at the back of the mind for some, for some they show it. Doesn't mean one cares and the other doesn't. Life's a gift someone told me once, and most of the times its that person who would make me re-think , because I never knew a gift is so hard to handle, so difficult to deal with, and comes with so many other surprises, so many things attached to it.

I miss peace. I miss happiness. I miss a few people. I miss hugs. Tight hugs. 

I need to get away, need some peace of mind. *sigh*

"Sometimes pain becomes such a big part of our life, and you expect it to always be there, because you can't remember a time that it wasn't". - One Tree Hill.

xx

No More Close.

Sometimes people push you away . At times by their words, at times by their actions, at times you just feel it. You feel terrible because their acts have been constantly hurting you. Every time you just forget it and carry on with things, but whenever there's something new that hurts you, you remember all the past things they have done. No its not intentional, probably its because of their present state of mind, or the present situation. But I wonder, don't they realise how selfish they are being?
I understand everyone has to choose between being selfish and selfless. But is choosing selfish or self love over being selfless all the time justified? 
I seldom think about this, but whenever I do, the grief this causes is something words fail to express. When someone whose just the one who you share things with, makes you feel like you don't exist, makes you feel left out, shares their sadness with this random friend they have, you feel terrible! 
People might think I over-react , but had this been something that happened once, I would never have, but its been happening, and it continues to happen. This happy It-doesn't-affect-me Smile is too much to keep. I want to runaway. I want to close myself and never get close to her or him or anyone else . Because when someone who was once the closest is no more close, it kills you. It shakes , breaks you, and you lose, you lose yourself in a way , you can never get back to being the same person. 

Or may be its normal not to share sometimes, may be its normal to hurt someone, because someone whose close to you is hurting you. Justified or not. All I want is this thing to go away. This feeling of remorse. This feeling of extreme sadness. This feeling that won't let me be in peace.

So  before it becomes too much to handle, I should retreat, and like I always said and believed, I'll stay till the time you need me, that's when my part as a friend begins. When you don't need me anymore, I shall bid you goodbye . 
Farewell friend.

CHOICES.

Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.

Things have a habit of happening at the wrong time and all the time they leave me with hard choices. They leave me on this crossroad, and at that very moment, the head and heart have heated arguments, the result of which never comes, and never will they agree with each other. They listen to your head, because heart has the habit of screwing up , but then what the heart says is something you REALLY want. Because, “It’s the heart which knows the deepest desires.”

I wonder, what fun it would be for GOD, to give me two things which I want equally, at the same time, and sit and watch the battle inside, which is trying to choose between , ‘Something I want terribly and Something I have been waiting for since long to happen.’

WHY ! :(

It’s not a life changing decision, but there are things which the Heart finds merrier , something which it has been secretly wanting, and the heart has its own reasons, the ones noone but the heart understands.

 

CHOICE. I can choose one! Time my Baby, Why would you that do to me?

And THE BATTLE continues inside.

Divya

xx

Valentine's and HER STORY .

She wasn't the kind of girl that everyone thought her to be, There was so much behind that smile, that laughter, that ever bubbly, happy-go-lucky nature, something which made her cry at nights, when everyone thought she was at peace. Something which can kill but not make you dead, a story which could have made anyone, ANYONE break, but not her, she gathered herself and carried on..

To the world, her life is perfect, She's single, rich, pettish , popular, social, has so many friends, but there's something which has been constantly killing her since 2 years now, and its harder day by day , because that one scar just wont go, probably because that scar is not the one which time can heal.
Losing someone you love can be in several ways, sometimes they leave you because they no more love you , or they realise they never did and sometimes life takes them away from you for FOREVER, they go in some other world where sadly you can't be, there's love which just cannot go from your heart, because there's no reason to not love that person who made you fall in love with yourself, your life, who was what people say PERFECT for you.There are a zillion memories which you remember whenever you cross a street , whenever you go out to a place where you both sat and talked. Memories which haunt you, no matter how much you try time wont fade them out.

She realised this everyday that , He's GONE, and no matter what nothing , NOTHING can bring him back, and there was nothing she could do about it. She was a strong girl, and her story could never be completed, She was loved , She loved, but one day, and it took the love of her life away forever, and since then she's been fighting her tears, keeping it all inside her, while people see the HAPPY HER, She's been hoping to find someone who'll see how deep she's hurt, who'll be the plastic surgeon to remove the scar, who'll love her the same way HE did, who'll just love the REAL Girl she is, Emotional, Sensitive, Caring, Loving, and Very Mature, because not everyone is strong enough to deal with DEATH of the first guy they ever Loved. The first guy who she has memories of growing up together, of sneaking out, of just sitting there talking and so many more. 

Its valentines and I feel so stupid, because people think they need one day to express LOVE to the person they love, ONE WEEK and so much DRAMA. 
Love and its misuse, TRUST and its misuse. SAD .

I am not valentine-less, I always have a few people I have loved and will always love forever. My family as a whole, My best friends and  the very few people I LOVE LIKE CRAZY. I have loved you before this day, and I'll love you for the coming days.! 


PS. This one's a dedication to the girl I have written about. YOU ARE A STRONG KID and you are IMMENSELY loved. I need not say anything more, because you are one of MY STRENGTHS, and I love you!

xx
Divya

“I love it when someone holds me and sleeps.”

“I love it when someone holds me and sleeps.”

One sentence by a friend, led me to write this post!

They say, there’s nothing a hug cant fix, that’s the power of a touch!

Believe me or not, one day or the other you’ll realize this!

Who doesn’t dreams of being held in someone’s arms, where you feel safe, secure, loved, protected and warm!

The warmth which makes you feel at peace! The warmth which brings you immense happiness, unadulterated happiness!

Sleeping alone is not that BIG an issue! People start living away from home after they are 18, at times even when they are younger! But at some point of time, you really wish you could have someone by your side who would hold you close, just like your mom and dad did when you were a kid, the touch which is full of affection, innocence, and pure love!

That’s the one I am talking about!  

Even knowing that there’s someone lying beside you gives you a feeling of being loved, cared for,

And when you wake up in the middle of the night, and shift under the quilt , you feel the heat of the person next to you. You see them in their most beautiful, innocent, vulnerable state.

You smile, Kiss them in the most gentle manner, so as not to wake them, and there’s a wide grin on your face, Happiness in your heart, feeling of love, feeling of being wanted !

You turn around, and you find an arm around your waist and you know it cannot get better than this! :)

And this certainly is the best feeling when you are not afraid, that you’ll lose the person whose next to you!

What hugs and cuddles can do, nothing else can match up to that feeling!

Not expensive gifts, Not a candle light dinner in the most expensive restaurant!

SOMETHINGS IN LIFE ARE TO BE EXPERIENCED NOT TO BE EXPLAINED,

This is one such thing.!

These thoughts hit the mind rarely, but when they do,

 I remember how full of solitude life has  been, and I fail to remember the last time I hugged someone, really hugged someone. :)

Love,

Divv!

xoxo

CONFESSIONS: PART ONE.

I felt like writing, so here are 50 Confessions.

CONFESSIONS: PART ONE..
The next part should be up soon.!

1.I am a hopelessly caring one.
2.I totally love it when someone sings to me, no matter the voice is good or not.
3.There's this one person who I cannot imagine my existence without, that's Animeha Singh. You make her cry, I kill you.
4.I'd love to be in love.
5.I love listening to Sidharth read out whatever short little things he writes, or saves in the drafts.
6.I love cold coffee.. making it, drinking it. Everything. ITS ADDICTIVE.
7.I Love cooking when someone asks me to cook for them.
8.I can kill the person who intentionally or unintentionally raises his/her voice on my mother. I love her. and so you want to bring out the monster in me, Try this.
9.I am so freaking proud to have a brother like the one I have and seeing him happy is what I pray for..
10.Though my dad is one of those short-tempered ones, but I love him to the core.
11.I love shoes. Yes as Ankit (one of my classmates here at college) says, "Shoes are my drugs.!"
12.Dancing makes me happy.
13.I love hugs, those long tight ones.
14.I love holding hands.
15.I am affectionate, I just fail to express that.
16.I love long walks, those under the starry sky.
17.I love road trips, and scenic views, they give me peace.
18.I love being the reason for someone's happiness.
19.I love being stupid, only in front of people I love and trust. So If I act stupid in front of you, that means I trust you.
20.I love Sangya's singing. She's amazing!
21.I don't forget what people tell me, be it my flaws, or praise, or anything that has hurt me.
22.I forgive easily.
23.My anger is short lived, comes soon , leaves sooner.
24.I love treating Pravesha as my little kid, It gives me happiness to see her smiling and happy.I love her.
25.I love the feel of cold winds on my face.
26.I love rains.
27.I love "being there" for people close to me.They smile and I forget my worries.
28.I am always laughing, chirpy, bubbly, smiling..when I am not, ah..something's troubling me!
29.It takes a lot to make me speak about the inner feelings, may be of happiness or of hurt.
30.I believe in loving unconditionally, purely, irrevocably and selflessly.
31.I am extra-sensitive to touch.
32.I can help people to the extent where I forget my own needs.
33.I love Perfumes and people who smell good, its a turn-on!
34.I trust easily.
35.I think that there are some wounds which never heal, which only the person who has given you those can heal. and I have one such wound in my heart.
36.I have a desire to touch someone's heart deeply , just once. To have an impact on someone's life.
37.I love it when someone shares their sadness or grief with me rather than the happiness.
38.I LOVE going on walks with ILU and SARTHAK.
39.If I say, I love you or I miss you, I mean it , like 100%!
40.I am PRETTY AWESOME with remembering birthdays,anniversaries and dates, and I like being the first person to wish right at 12!
41.Since I was never pampered much as a kid, I love it when my friends pamper me.
42. - deleted-
43.I believe that when someone is special to you, you should make them feel special always, not on just one single day of the year or month.
44.Its okay, when people take me for granted, I still love them with all my heart, If I once had, I always will.I believe what all good you do, never goes to waste.
45.It takes a lot of time for me to speak it up when I am upset about something.Most of the times it goes unnoticed behind the 24*7 smile.
46.I miss a few things and moments terribly.
47.I love long drives.
48.I am someone who can go to great extents for people I love.
49.I am easily hurt, though I don't prefer showing that .
50.Whenever I miss people , I re-read old texts, conversations and go through their pictures.






WEB-CAM CRAZINESS: WITH Sangya and Gargi!







I am so much in love with Anklets! So that's why this! :)