COURAGE, Dear Heart.

Give a thought to dying. You are walking on the road and a bus hits you and you're gone. Just imagine the things that die with you; a kind word, a hidden feeling, a thought to share and so much more. There are things you wish to say, but you don't. But time flies, today you're here, tomorrow you won't be. Missing a chance to say what's in your heart and dying with it would suck. It would be worse than being turned down, worse than not being loved back, or let's say worse than not getting the desired reaction to your thoughts and feelings.

Living with the regret of saying something is better than dying with the regret of not saying it. Expression they say is not that easy for everyone. It isn't for me either, but that shouldn't stop you from indulging in that. Write it on a letter, email it, text it, voice record it, if you cannot say it in person. But say what you wish to. Say what your heart feels. Let your head follow your heart, because like Paulo Coelho said, the heart knows everything. No matter what the consequences are, let the love inside you reach who it is for. When you can be so clear and loud about how you dislike something in someone or how you react when someone irritates you, why not be vocal about the appreciation or admiration or love that you have for someone. :)

Why not say it loud and clear that, you love someone's smile, or voice, or gestures, or how you look up to them, or how madly and irrevocably you are falling for them, or how you like to spend time with them, or how deeply they have affected your life, or how much they matter?

Tough? Indeed. It's tougher than most of the things you've done; nothing makes you weaker than these thoughts that are only in your head, because they need to reach a destination. I can assure you whatever happens post that, would be better than 'what ifs'! It's not about just getting them out of your system.

Dont you think, if you had the courage to fall in love, courage to feel all the emotions so deeply, or the courage to let someone have an impact on your life, courage to let someone break those walls and enter your heart; You should have the courage to speak all of it, and let them know how you feel! And why not, who wouldn't like few kind words being spoken about them? :) 

I cannot guarantee that it'll make you feel better, it might just not be in your favour, may be you goof up, may be it is not like the way you wanted it to be, may be it is exactly how you didnt want it to be, may be you are at the losing end, but like I said before, Live with the regret of saying it, rather that living with the regret of not even knowing what it could be? And what if, it turns out to be like you wanted it to be, or even in a more beautiful way or what if you find your fairytale? 

You gotta make a wish, work towards it, fight for it, and life shall definitely surprise you in the most beautiful way possible! Say it, dont keep your words in your heart, no matter what degree of introvert you are, or you are a scared introvert your words gotta reach the person they are for! 

HAVE THE COURAGE, Dear Heart!

Say it, Say it out Loud. What happens next is not something you or anyone can control! :)

Love

xx

To 2015, With Love.

Sometimes Home is a place , sometimes it is a person, this Home is a place with specific people.
Dilli, 2015 has been my highlight of this year. You know how every year you want to make it a better year, have zillion things to do, lists, places, resolutions; and end of the year you have hardly done anything. 2015 is my favourite year since 1992. I have met a lot of people randomly, and sometimes they are around for a while, sometimes they are not. This set of random people, are the ones, I am not letting go off for the rest of my life, that's how deeply they've touched my heart and affected my life.

John Green said, "The marks that human leaves are most often scars." Not ALWAYS. Never ever. Sometimes what people leave you with are marks of happiness, that can brighten up a sad day. You can rewind think of that one night when you felt happiness like you've never before. Those nights, Those days, Those moments are the ones that don't need pictures to be reminded of, they never fade away, they're right there in your head, and you'll time and again have a flash of them, and you'll be smiling, feeling the same happiness you felt that very night. Crazy right? :)

Sometimes, you bump into people who make you feel at home, who give you so much happiness, who give you warmth, who give you reality checks, who make you become a better person, but who don't judge you , people you can be YOU with, people you can rely on, people who'll probably not call you , text you, meet you often, but then when you meet them, it's like you've never separated.

I found home in House Number 48, Hauz Khas Village, Delhi-110006, and these three people who when mentioned will always bring a HUGE GRIN on my face. The one thing common in them , you can slit open your heart and mind and it's effortless. It's as smooth as the most expensive scotch. These are three different personalities, but when together I don't think there's a moment when I am not smiling, even if I am not smiling, my heart is happy, at peace and trying to absorb all the zillion things happening, so that later whenever I feel that, life isn't happy, I can remember these three, laughing, dancing, drinking, and I instantly feel better. They are the light that one needs on a dark gloomy night, or the last drop of water when there's drought.

2015, gave me three people, I'd never want to lose. None of them are similar to each other, all of them have something to give you, to teach you, and they'll add to your life in their own different ways. They are my doze of happiness, hope, laughter, fun, lessons, and everything else.

You know how reading an old conversation fills you up with happiness, that's the happiness I get when I am thinking of these three. I am smiling, remembering how they laugh out their heart and that image is my favourite. :)

So, 2015, to the year that you were, you've been kind, and I cannot thank you enough for giving me three gifts, wrapped up in different wrappings, each one being irreplaceable, each one being close to my heart, each one being as beautiful as the other.

Thanking you from the deepest corner of my heart for every memory , for every happiness, for everything that I have missed thanking you for. Thank you Shashi, Gaurav, Deepika :)

Some people take you to a place, where you've never been, where no one else can take you. You guys are the ones who do that. :)
STAY ALWAYS.

Love, Hugs and Kisses.

Divya
xx

Love your Curves!

You are wonderful the way you are.

With everyone going mad about being a size zero, believe me there's more to life than just being a size zero, and NO, I am not saying this, because I am not a size zero or a size two, or because I don't have a Victoria's Secret Body, I am saying this, because I love my curves ( Yes, I'd like to be fitter, and get rid of extra fat though), I don't wish to be skinny, I wish to be fit, yes so that I can fit into that dress, I just saw at a store a week back, not because I want to show it off to the world, and pick up on people who are heavier than me, but because I want to.

You see someone, you don't know their story. You might know them, but you might still not know the reasons why they are a particular way.
I love cake, I love pizza, I love all of it, Yes , I know they have a zillion calories, but mentioning them right when I am having it or pointing out "OMG, so many calories" won't take away the fat I already have, rather I just hate it when people start discussing weight while having food. LIKE WHY DO YOU WANT TO DISCUSS IT RIGHT NOW?

Being conscious about your weight , I understand. OBSESSING OVER IT, is stupid. And to top it, when all the so called FIT , ATTRACTIVE, PERFECT BODIED people think, they have the right to pick up on people who aren't in the mentioned category, and they do it, all I can think of is, giving them one TIGHT SLAP, because these people are the reason why people go on crash diets, and start suffering from anorexia. Maybe the fat guy/girl you saw have no control over the weight, may be they tend to gain sooner than you do, may be they eat half of what you do, and still gain.

Beauty to me, is only skin deep. Since when did it start meaning, being tall, or being skinny, or being fair etcetera? Since when did all of us become so shallow to just love the body and ignore the heart a person has?

In the recent times where every girl's dream is to be a 'size zero', the society pictures fat women as undesirable and unattractive, let's change it all, embrace yourself, Embrace your curves, Smile and be proud when someone says, you have curves. You are beautiful the way you are. Your heart and brain makes you beautiful, the body one day would have wrinkles and that day if you still have a smart mouth and a loving heart, I think, I'D ALWAYS WANT SOMEONE LIKE THAT CLOSE TO ME!

Dress Well, Stay Pretty, Shine ON! Show off those curves, Bones don't make you sexayy, Curves do!!! Love your body, Love yourself. Stop looking down at yourself, if you have flabby arms or heavier thighs. If you wouldn't love yourself then how can you expect someone else to?
Imperfection is Beauty, Size zero isn't! :)

Love

xx

My Heart Is In My Vagina.

It has always amazed me how some people manage separating their heart and brains, and honestly I would do anything to do that, ANYTHING. Why? Because that is one thing I fail to do, no matter what.

Sleeping with a friend is no longer a taboo, but a lifestyle choice, generally called, "Friends with Benefits". So, you enjoy the company, fool around, chill, have sex, and don't get involved emotionally. Whereas I see nothing wrong in it, I fail to even dare to think about entering something like that. I mean, is it really possible to keep your heart away while you are going to the highest level of intimacy? Can you be so comfortable around someone so that you give your body to them, without having any feelings ? Can you just kiss and not feel anything? 

I remember trying to not have any emotions , I failed, miserably, and hence I say my heart is in my vagina. Putting it in a simpler way, I cannot be physically involved with anyone who I don't have some mental, some emotional connection with. Intimacy, isn't it something that involves both the heart and body? How can something that is so intimate, sleeping with someone be so easy that you keep your emotions at bay? 

I don't think I can be comfortable naked in front of some stranger I just met at a club. I don't think I can kiss someone I don't have feelings for (may be love, maybe something else). I don't think I can just have sex and not care. The maximum I can do is pretend , but sooner or later it ends, and you realise how bad horrible the situation is. You end up in a state which prima facie is irreparable.

Friends with Benefits, might sound fun, of course, you are sleeping with someone without baggage, no commitment, no exclusivity , nothing. But the other side of it, you can end up shattered. What if when you are sleeping with a good friend, and you end up having feelings and then, BAMM. Do you think, you'd be able to lose the friend? I DON'T.  The last thing I want is losing people close, in fact, my biggest fear has been losing people. I know life is not a fairytale and hence risking friendship and having hope that may be this arrangement turns into something romantic is well, stupid.

Though at times you might just try to get the feelings away, but deep down you start seeing him in a different light. The damage is done, it has begun. You admit that you might like him, but you push that thought away. Sounds EASY, but it ISN'T. 

More than anything, FWB requires a control over your feelings right? I am not ashamed to accept that I cannot. It's not that I refuse to do it, I know it deep down, I cannot let someone be so close without feeling something for the person. I'd probably retreat and runaway, if there's no mental or emotional connect. Sometimes you are so comfortable with someone , that even though you know it won't last like you'd want it to, you just go ahead with it. You risk, you risk your heart and go ahead because you like it, and there's nothing wrong in it. What is wrong is , the damage it'll cause you.

Sometimes I wish, it hasn't been this way. Life would be easier. The heart won't be risked, it won't be dented, it would be intact, even when you are just sexually involved with someone. In current times I love how women are being so open about their bodies sexually, and admitting that they need such kind of intimacy. Unfortunately it leaves a lot of women vulnerable, can you separate sex from love?

Women should be able to be as free as they like with their bodies, as long as women like me understand that sometimes they will grow attached, and have to be prepared for the possibility that the men they want to be with won’t want to be with them. I don't know what one is supposed to do in such a situation, if you think you can be brave enough to get bruised and broken and get up, DO IT. If you think, you cannot, just DONT get into it. No matter how much you love the other person to be able to give him your all, without any returns, just LOVE yourself MORE always, and have the courage to WALK away, because you aren't Mila Kunis, you JUST AREN'T.

Love,

xx

Year One. Law School. Part 2. " The Dilli Girl."

So while on the train from home to Raipur, I was keeping a track of things happening in college through this "Dilli Girl" , I met during the admissions. So, the first thing that came into my mind after our first phone conversation was , " Dude, finally someone who speaks as much as I do" :D hahaha. *Don't kill me babe, you know I love you.*

It's strange, sometimes you end up with people you thought you will never even speak to, Life is so unpredictable. This "Dilli Girl" is Sangya Negi. The one I thought will never speak to anyone and would keep to herself, but NO! She's all smiling, waving to people and the best part, she ends up being my reason for surviving college till today. 

So Sangya Negi, is from "Gurgaon", and when you first know this, you would imagine her to be hi-fi , arrogant, oh I am so cool kinds, but NO.! She's sweet, warm, welcoming, adorable, mature and I can go on and on. You dont really look for people who you just FIT with, but sometimes you end up with exactly the person you need. So this girl was the first gift "Law School" gave me. The sole reason why I have survived the eight semesters, the only person who could get me at one go, (LET ME TELL YOU, IT'S NOT THAT EASY), the person who I was lucky to meet, the person I trust with my life, the person I can kill for, the person in college who I owe my law school life to. :)

They say, sometimes it takes years to build a friendship and sometimes just a few moments, and that was what happened. A few moments here and there, and it was as if we knew each other since long. Endless conversations about everything, from a freaking earring to some life decision as to what is to be done after 5 years. There wasn't anything which we won't talk about. (AND THEN PEOPLE ACTUALLY THOUGHT WE TALK ABOUT THEM, WE NEED TO STOP TALKING ABOUT OURSELVES FIRST FOR THAT, DUHH) Life was good.

Slowly, that feeling of missing home subsided, the feeling of HNLU being a second home had seeped in, I was happy , YES. (There were a few expectations from college , people and probably they weren't the same, but then "DILLI GIRL" was there). 

Trips to the city, a few additions to US happened, here and there meeting new people, getting to know things around, College life just began, and there was so much more to explore, learn and see. I was excited and worried like a little kid is when he/she first goes to school. 

Bring it on LIFE, I am eagerly waiting to see you closely , I said and this was a KICKASS start to the new phase called, "COLLEGE". 

Love
xx

She will kill me for this. Semester III.

FOOOD MAKES US HAPPY. ALWAYS. <3 td="">

Needless to say, what you MEAN to me, and always WILL! :*

You Pretty WOMAN, SANGYA! 

People Always Leave.

Often you find yourself holding on to people and things, who don't really wish to stay, and eventually you just loosen the grip and let go. And that day, you tell yourself to not let this thing happen to you ever again.
No matter how hard you try someday it all comes back to you. No matter how protected you keep yourself, living life in a bubble, trying to not let your mind wander to the things that happened, the numerous memories that are not coming back , just one day it hits you. IT HITS YOU SO HARD that you cannot avoid it. So I thought of just acknowledging and embracing this feeling today.

Have you ever been emotionally hurt? Hurt so bad you actually felt deep physical pain? I truly think everyone has; I know I certainly have. I have actually been saying in my head "PEOPLE ALWAYS LEAVE” for years. And every time it happens I pretend I am much less affected by it than I really am. I am not talking about just romantic relationships or ‘break-ups.’ I am also not saying it with the intent of sounding melancholy, I have just really believed it. Because every time I think they don't, someone proves me wrong. I wonder why people come into your life, if they have to walk out of it after all. They make you feel, they make you fall, they give you memories just so that every bit of it could be crumpled and thrown away in rusted dustbins laying unattended outside the apartments built over the decades. And the thing which it leaves me wondering is, "Do I push them away?"

Everytime, you have to accept it, pick yourself up and move the fuck ahead. You get connected, you give life a chance, you give yourself to something as beautiful as love, intimacy, you give them your everything. And then there, after leaving all the fears away, you give in, you let the wall down, and it ends like it always has. You see yourself standing in a crowd feeling lost. This is the reason why I haven't ever let myself depend on anyone. I am no heartless person, but if its easier to be that way, I would be. Stay as far as possible from anyone who I can tend to be inclined to and be safe? I wonder, if it really helps, but somewhere the heart fears what has always happened.

If only goodbyes meant for today and the faking smiles were real, If people meant what they said, and did what they promised, hearts will not be broken, the eyes would be dry and there would be no scars.I don't blame anyone but myself, because as it is said, and I believe it is absolutely true, "no one really has the power to hurt you without your consent." What it all comes down to is, what if you create a wall and do not let people who are real and true in. What if you miss out on finding someone who's gonna love you till the end? What if you miss out on a friend who's going to take care of that little fragile heart of yours and make you realise that good things happen. What if you lose on knowing someone who has been through things like you did and has been strong!

There are people who have stayed in my life constantly, when people came and left, and I know I would have missed on them, had I closed myself to them too. But then sometimes you let the wall down and let people take command of your heart and guide you. I guess I did that and found them. But somewhere deep those scars don't heal, the memories still haunt, those times that were crazy with the few people I would give away my life for come to my mind, and make me revert to closing myself. It's scary, that feeling of being left by people who meant your life to you, with absolutely no one around leaves you so broken that it takes a lot of time to gather it all and pick yourself up, and its not that easy.

I do not know if it's right to be scared and stay away and be safe, or to just go ahead and take the risk, take the leap of faith and let the heart take chances. Let the heart feel, and smile. It's happy and terrified both at once. What if I lose once again? What if it all happens once again?

It is a harsh reality that,no matter what you do, people always leave, but sometimes they do come back and stay. And if you're lucky, the best ones STAY and make it WORTH. They make it all alright and you can smile. This decision of opening up your heart or not is a tough one . But you gotta take it. You have to decide, if its worth, you should do give it a TRY! 

As far as what I wish for is, Someone to not give up even when everyone does, Someone to hold on to, Someone to look up to, Someone who would stay. JUST STAY. :)

Love.
xx

WHY ARE YOU STILL SINGLE?

I was eighteen when I left home. I guess I grew up fast and developed a sense of independence that was mental, I was pretty sure of how are things to be done, and how one needs to handle things that happen in life. Be it the smallest of arguments or a huge fight, it was always, one against the world. Yes, my mom and dad were worried , never showing it, but they would always say, "We know, you can take care of yourself." 

I have always been the single one of my friends, through high school and now in college. Not that I never wished to be with someone, never really worked out, never really found someone to be precise. Honestly, I have always been more that okay with it. I am writing about this right now, because the question "Why are you single?" has been around the corner and answering this question is always tough, because then follows a long questionnaire and advices and a lot more which I am highly uninterested in. Lately I have just thought of saying, "No one I am interested in , is interested in me, so I am pretty sure, I am going to be forever alone and I will die that way" I doubt anyone would ask me a list of questions after such a self-disparaging answer. Though its not totally true, it will do what I am hoping for and the subject will be changed.! Yayy! I shut them up and its victory!

The only times I feel awkward when I’m single is when I find myself faced with one of those extremely PDA-intent-on-making-you-feel-like-crap couples and when I am at a party and there you have slow songs and all that dancing, and all I can think of is, nothing actually. Most of the time, I’m not really thinking about it. I live by myself and I have few close friendships and that is more than enough. All this being all on my own thing, has allowed me to further my emotional independence, and as the days are passing, I appreciate it more and more.

When we generally aim to become financially independent in our twenties, we forget that we also need emotional independence as well. For good or bad, but being all by myself has given me some great life lessons. I know being in a relationship is great, its a beautiful feeling to be in love and be loved back, I would always envy that girl I see whose been looked at with so much love and care, or the one whose getting married, or the one who can always feel better just because there's a certain someone who would hug her and things will feel alright, because at times it makes me feel plain simple lonely.

I value relationships, I really do. I sure as hell  want one, but when it’s right and till now it never felt that way. I am yet to feel that way, and at times I would step back from feeling that way, because no matter how strong a person is , Rejection my friend is not that easy to take. I just want it to be right, not perfect, not fairytale like.Hook-up culture is so unbridled , it’s how people want to begin their relationships these days, in fact it’s how people do begin their relationships these days. And I’m not interested in it at all. What others do is none of my business, this is what I feel.

As far as "good relationships" go, I do think they take time, and for me, it’ll probably always be a more old-fashion process. I don't have my the opposite sex texting and calling me all the time but I have found that people will treat you how they can get away with treating you. So most guys who are interested do treat me well because I demand it. And I demand it, because I have emotional independence. My self-worth is not attached to an emotional dependence on another imperfect human being. I don’t depend on anyone to “make me feel good” about myself. I need people as much as we all do. But I never want to be completely emotionally reliant on someone. Because in the end, everyone will  disappoint you at some point. And you will disappoint others too. It's not in your hand, people will hurt you and you will have to deal with it, so why let someone be in control of your emotions, why let yourself be emotionally dependent on someone.

Single people love to whine about being single, I’d probably do the same. Again, not that I don't want a relationship, of course I do, but starting it just because I am single and people don't want me to be single is not what I can do. If it's real , why not. I would love to be in something as beautiful as love and experience it but not at the cost of anyone, and not just out of boredom or desperation etc. It all comes down to one thing that can trigger it, feelings and emotions. 

As far as my life goes, currently I have good people around me, a career to make, family who loves me, and some great days which will be cherished memories in the coming time! I am happy, may be not everyday, but well I am happy right now. I have my set of emotional days when I feel alone and cry , but who doesn't ?

After all, life is a bitter sweet symphony.. :)