Letting Go?

Sometimes you are just meant to be there with yourself alone, because no matter how much you try people tend to always look at your flaws, they'll forget the zillion things or even ten things you did for them and concentrate on the flaws you have. Human Tendency ? May be?

I fail to understand what's that thing which makes it so hard to not care for someone. What is it, that would make you keep caring , somewhere down there, even though you know you are not cared for?

Trying your best to not care makes it harder I believe, the person just keeps coming back to your mind. Why is it so hard to LET GO? 

Every fight, every argument , every instance where there is friction between two people, its rarely that only one person thinks about it. That thing remains at the back of the mind for some, for some they show it. Doesn't mean one cares and the other doesn't. Life's a gift someone told me once, and most of the times its that person who would make me re-think , because I never knew a gift is so hard to handle, so difficult to deal with, and comes with so many other surprises, so many things attached to it.

I miss peace. I miss happiness. I miss a few people. I miss hugs. Tight hugs. 

I need to get away, need some peace of mind. *sigh*

"Sometimes pain becomes such a big part of our life, and you expect it to always be there, because you can't remember a time that it wasn't". - One Tree Hill.

xx

Fix Me.

I have never felt so lost. Everything happening all at once. No. This isn't fair.
This isn't how things are supposed to be. This is definitely not how I wanted things to be.
NO. I am not ready to go through more tests to prove my strength.

"This has to end sometime soon, something has to be done to fix it up."

"Lights, please guide me home"

Thought.

When you let people get close to you, there's a power you give them, the power to hurt you and break you. The confidence that they won't do it is what makes you give it. But this confidence is something which leads you to shatter yourself. 

No More Close.

Sometimes people push you away . At times by their words, at times by their actions, at times you just feel it. You feel terrible because their acts have been constantly hurting you. Every time you just forget it and carry on with things, but whenever there's something new that hurts you, you remember all the past things they have done. No its not intentional, probably its because of their present state of mind, or the present situation. But I wonder, don't they realise how selfish they are being?
I understand everyone has to choose between being selfish and selfless. But is choosing selfish or self love over being selfless all the time justified? 
I seldom think about this, but whenever I do, the grief this causes is something words fail to express. When someone whose just the one who you share things with, makes you feel like you don't exist, makes you feel left out, shares their sadness with this random friend they have, you feel terrible! 
People might think I over-react , but had this been something that happened once, I would never have, but its been happening, and it continues to happen. This happy It-doesn't-affect-me Smile is too much to keep. I want to runaway. I want to close myself and never get close to her or him or anyone else . Because when someone who was once the closest is no more close, it kills you. It shakes , breaks you, and you lose, you lose yourself in a way , you can never get back to being the same person. 

Or may be its normal not to share sometimes, may be its normal to hurt someone, because someone whose close to you is hurting you. Justified or not. All I want is this thing to go away. This feeling of remorse. This feeling of extreme sadness. This feeling that won't let me be in peace.

So  before it becomes too much to handle, I should retreat, and like I always said and believed, I'll stay till the time you need me, that's when my part as a friend begins. When you don't need me anymore, I shall bid you goodbye . 
Farewell friend.

Uncalled Changes.

" All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter another." - Anatole France


There are times when life throws everything at you together! All at once, and you are lost. Change is never easy, you fight to hold on, you fight to let go. Changes in people, situations, places, things around, and it goes on and on. What makes it difficult? the consequences of a particular change, its effect ,its aftermath. You fail to comprehend, to decipher the reasons why all of a sudden this great change happened, and why are things going haywire.Why would all changes happen at once?

Is this how things are supposed to be?

One friend you always counted on is no more around, a person you loved looking at when you felt lost has left and a place where you have lived your life, growing up, running around, chasing buses, laughing sitting at this one bench till 11 with a childhood friend is left behind. How does one deal with all of this? How do you keep letting go off people who were more than just a part of your life? The people without whom your life is nothing but a blank canvas! How do you just be okay with the fact that the ones who painted the canvas with all the beautiful colours, those beautiful memories are the ones you have to let go? They drift , drift away from you into this huge chaotic world, and you can do nothing but watch them, watch them leave, because if that makes them happy , then all you can do is smile. Smile every time you see something and remember them, every time you see two people acting the way you did and just live with those little little happy times which are engraved in your heart.

Who is to be blamed? People, situation or the distance? But wasn't the distance supposed to make the heart grow fonder?

Then sometimes, the person whose been the sole reason why you are loving your life at a particular place and time is no more like they used to. Yes, with age people change, but what's with the effect they have on other? Can't they for once think how deep a few things can hurt?The lack of comfort, communication gap, this void which is created, where did those days go? The days when that person was the first one to understand how horribly something is wrong with you, that your mind is wandering and you need someone to just hold on to, that your silence speaks of how hurt you are; that one person no more understands. WHY?

There's no one answer to this. Sometimes people need to just be with themselves. They need to take time off each other, even the closest of friends. The only fear that haunts is, what is this "time off each other" leads to the same thing that happened in t he past? What if this creates a distance, a space which never lets things get back to square one? No matter how much you try, a mirror once broken can never be the same again.

Lost as ever , Lost in the echoes, Lost in this huge space, all I can think of is meeting someone who'll make me feel at home, at peace. All I can think of is running and hugging a person who would understand the turbulence happening in my heart with just one hug. No words, No nothing..

Disappointments have been constant. But sometimes when you are disappointed by your close people it takes a toll on you. You are shaken, shaken to the core. You are sometimes hurt beyond repair. Broken promises, disappointments and people drifting apart, have an irreparable effect on me.So eventually you leave to live with the changes, the changes you always feared, the changes you never thought would happen, the changes that make you realise what the reality is! The changes that weren't suppose to happen, the changes that were uncalled for!
The challenge of dealing with changes is thrown at you, and it doesn't wait. Life does not look back. Changes will keep happening, it is the only constant! You can do nothing but adapt to the. Everyone you once thought you cannot live without, you learn to, you learn to, you learn to deal with changing times, situations, people , places. It's harder every time, but what doesn't kill you, makes you stronger.

Divya
xx

RAHUL DRAVID : THE UNSUNG HERO

I always think of various things I really wish to write on , but because of being a lazy human, I am unable to do so.

This post is about ONE SUCH MAN, who I wanted to marry as a child since grade 4! Its about the man who I have always wanted to write about, the man who is synonym to the word COMMITMENT, the man who has never been in the LIMELIGHT! THIS POST IS ABOUT RAHUL DRAVID!

Jammy, The Wall, Mr.Dependable are the few names which have been given to him. He might not hit six sixes in one over , or score a double century in ODI, but he’s there when you need a man to be there at the field to score runs and stand strong, when the temperature is 45 degree Celsius and he’s standing there with sweat dripping off his helmet, steady and scoring runs effortlessly for the team. In the early years of my life, when I started to understand what cricket is about, I have admired Rahul Dravid for the man he is ; Calm, Composed, Simple, Down-to-earth, and ABSOLUTELY CHARMING in the way he plays, speaks, behaves and a TRUE GENTLEMAN.

I have been his fan for his cuts, his defence tactics, his skills, and his absolutely adorable smile. The aggression in his eyes when he’s on the field has always left me spellbound. His swiftness, his dedication towards the game made me admire him more as years went by.

If there’s a man to turn to when the team is in trouble, its RAHUL DRAVID.
MY FAVOURITE QUOTES ON HIM :
Brett Lee
"If you can't get along with Dravid, you're struggling in life "
Glenn McGrath
"Dravid has been a class player for a long time now and we know his ability better than anyone. He's not like the other guys who love scoring off every ball, and there's no real weakness in his game either."
Navjot Singh Sidhu
"Rahul Dravid is a player who would walk on broken glass if his team asks him to"

He's not been talked about as much as the others have and not even appreciated like the other cricketers. This humble man, whose presence on the field sends a message across the country , that the match is not over yet, has often been ignored when it comes to his achievements , or his contribution to INDIAN CRICKET.

As of October 2012, Dravid is the third-highest run scorer in Test cricket, after Sachin and Ponting, and is only the second Indian cricketer, after Sachin to score 10,000 runs both in Tests and in ODIs. Wisden ranked him the third greatest Test batsman of all time, after Don Bradman and Tendulkar. In April 2009, he became the only player to score a century in all the ten Test-playing countries. As of October 2012, he holds the record for the most number of catches taken by a player (non-wicket-keeper) in Test cricket, with 210.

Then came that sad day, in August 2011, after receiving a surprise call in the ODI series against England, Dravid declared his retirement from ODIs as well as 20-20, and in March 2012, he announced his retirement from international and 1st class cricket. It was depressing for me, as it was unexpected, and this news about him, the man who was one of the reasons why I loved this game, the man whose newspaper cuttings were all over my notebooks, whose CLASSIC SQUARE CUT used to make me JUMP IN THE AIR, literally, shook me and as I took sometime to register this in my head, I realised how less this MAN has been appreciated.

Irrespective of what he has achieved in his glorious career of 15 long years, this man has this place in my heart which no one can take. His flexibility, by playing at various number in the team , from being a great batsman, to a great fielder, to a wicket-keeper, and being a captain, playing under the shadows of Sachin Tendulkar , Soarav Ganguly, this man has amazed me with his calm-composed and humble self, and his fitness which is never talked about.

Rahul Dravid is one man in the INDIAN CRICKET, who is truly a hero for me atleast. One man, who deserves RESPECT, One man whose retirement day was one of the saddest days of my life. One man, who was a blessing to INDIAN CRICKET. One man whose retirement has created a void in the INDIAN CRICKET TEAM, which is impossible to be filled in the future.

-
D.

Answer to None, Not sure answer to even one!

I sit here, with million things going in my head altogether.
A broken promise, A happy memory, A long lost friend, A feeling unexpressed, A person who I am no more friends with, A person who I never imagined being friends with and so on.
The reason why I love writing is, because I can vent out all the things going in my head. The frustration , The anxiety, The restlessness , The happiness, The love, The anger . And when no right person can be found, words always help!

With all these various things in head, I wonder, what went wrong when I lost a friend, or when a person just stopped talking without a reason, I think about going back to that one happy memory back at school when I had not a care in the world, I think about what my life would be after 4-5 years? Will I have the set of people who complete my life with me, Will I be the same Divya I am, or will I change again , because Change is the only constant!
Questions. Questions. So many of them, and answer to none. No sure answer to even one!


Life is unpredictable, short and unfair at times and we humans can do nothing but live with this fact.

Divya
xx

How To Have a Lovely Day.

1. Smile at strangers
2. Slow down
3. Say thank you
4. Give lots of compliments
5. Dress nicely
6. Wear perfume
7. Observe and listen
8. Be charming
9. Laugh
10. Wish people a lovely day



Divya

xx

THE NOT SO NORMAL TRAIN JOURNEY.!

SHALIMAR LTT, that was the name of the train, but no one knew that two trains with similar names going in different directions will be scheduled to reach Raipur station at the same time.!
We reached the station about an hour early, and were extremely excited to board the train. Some coolie told us its on platform 5, so we went to that platform and the train was to come in 30 minutes! Hoping to see the train number up, so we could just be outside our coaches and board it AS SOON AS POSSIBLE, we realise that the train we have to board is coming on platform 1, in fact it was already there.

And, at that very moment, I could just see myself missing the train to BOMBAY!
EVERYONE ran like CRAZYYY, with so heavy luggage, hitting people, hoping to just get inside any coach, I RAN like I was running FOR MY LIFE!!! Thankfully, the train was 5 minutes late, I reached, and I started calling others up!
Luckily, and I thank GOD for that, All of US boarded the train!
Laughter filled our compartment, as we started our most awaited trip to MUMBAI with a BANG!

As we settled , telling people to leave and putting our luggage, eating , talking, singing, planning how to spend the days in Mumbai etc, in sometime came the TT, and GUESS WHAT!!! The ticket was no where!! :P

Everyone again, began their search for the ticket, here there everywhere!!!!!
We were unsuccessful, coming to the conclusion that Sangya flew the ticket out the window! :P hahahahahah! Because around an hour back, I saw something flying out the window!
So now, we were again laughing like crazzyy, TOO MUCH ADVENTURE already! Luckily, the ticket guy didnt come back, and we found the ticket, which Sangya dropped in the washroom, yes it didnt fly out the window! :P

It was a cold night, not very chilly, but not hot either! Waking up in the morning, to the bright sun, sitting on the window seat, observing the pretty surroundings, I realised how much I love traveling and observing the things around! :)
We clicked pictures, stood near the door! :D Gave weird looks to weird people!
And had a memorable journey!
Good Company matters! :D All the time!
So this ones for you guys, who gave a KICKASS start to MUMBAI TRIP! :D

Love
Divya
xx

CHOICES.

Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.

Things have a habit of happening at the wrong time and all the time they leave me with hard choices. They leave me on this crossroad, and at that very moment, the head and heart have heated arguments, the result of which never comes, and never will they agree with each other. They listen to your head, because heart has the habit of screwing up , but then what the heart says is something you REALLY want. Because, “It’s the heart which knows the deepest desires.”

I wonder, what fun it would be for GOD, to give me two things which I want equally, at the same time, and sit and watch the battle inside, which is trying to choose between , ‘Something I want terribly and Something I have been waiting for since long to happen.’

WHY ! :(

It’s not a life changing decision, but there are things which the Heart finds merrier , something which it has been secretly wanting, and the heart has its own reasons, the ones noone but the heart understands.

 

CHOICE. I can choose one! Time my Baby, Why would you that do to me?

And THE BATTLE continues inside.

Divya

xx

Valentine's and HER STORY .

She wasn't the kind of girl that everyone thought her to be, There was so much behind that smile, that laughter, that ever bubbly, happy-go-lucky nature, something which made her cry at nights, when everyone thought she was at peace. Something which can kill but not make you dead, a story which could have made anyone, ANYONE break, but not her, she gathered herself and carried on..

To the world, her life is perfect, She's single, rich, pettish , popular, social, has so many friends, but there's something which has been constantly killing her since 2 years now, and its harder day by day , because that one scar just wont go, probably because that scar is not the one which time can heal.
Losing someone you love can be in several ways, sometimes they leave you because they no more love you , or they realise they never did and sometimes life takes them away from you for FOREVER, they go in some other world where sadly you can't be, there's love which just cannot go from your heart, because there's no reason to not love that person who made you fall in love with yourself, your life, who was what people say PERFECT for you.There are a zillion memories which you remember whenever you cross a street , whenever you go out to a place where you both sat and talked. Memories which haunt you, no matter how much you try time wont fade them out.

She realised this everyday that , He's GONE, and no matter what nothing , NOTHING can bring him back, and there was nothing she could do about it. She was a strong girl, and her story could never be completed, She was loved , She loved, but one day, and it took the love of her life away forever, and since then she's been fighting her tears, keeping it all inside her, while people see the HAPPY HER, She's been hoping to find someone who'll see how deep she's hurt, who'll be the plastic surgeon to remove the scar, who'll love her the same way HE did, who'll just love the REAL Girl she is, Emotional, Sensitive, Caring, Loving, and Very Mature, because not everyone is strong enough to deal with DEATH of the first guy they ever Loved. The first guy who she has memories of growing up together, of sneaking out, of just sitting there talking and so many more. 

Its valentines and I feel so stupid, because people think they need one day to express LOVE to the person they love, ONE WEEK and so much DRAMA. 
Love and its misuse, TRUST and its misuse. SAD .

I am not valentine-less, I always have a few people I have loved and will always love forever. My family as a whole, My best friends and  the very few people I LOVE LIKE CRAZY. I have loved you before this day, and I'll love you for the coming days.! 


PS. This one's a dedication to the girl I have written about. YOU ARE A STRONG KID and you are IMMENSELY loved. I need not say anything more, because you are one of MY STRENGTHS, and I love you!

xx
Divya